Because of my interest in everything vintage, retro and kitschy, my 8-year-old son, Harrison, decided he needed to have a talk with me.
"Sorry, Mom," he said, looking at me sympathetically as I drove with him in the front seat of our old red pickup truck, "but you're living in the past."
He explained that he lives for the future -- as I took secret pleasure in knowing that he also knows about the past. He can recite all the lyrics to "Blue Suede Shoes," understands what a gritty 1970s film looks like, and tell you, at least abstractly, what old-timey burlesque is.
Still, I didn't know exactly how to respond, other than showing respect for what he had to say.
So I put it out there to my buddies in social media, some of whom have kids and some of whom don't: What would they say to Harrison?
Here are some of the best responses, from the cheeky to the cosmic. After reading, tell us how you would respond:
"Is all your homework done???"
"It's history. Kitschy? Yes, but history nonetheless."
"The past was once the future to someone. One day the future will be the past to someone else. So aren't we all living right now in someone's past, someone's future?"
"If I were living in the past, you'd be doing a lot more chores and have a lot less toys."
"Tell him to, 'Shine on you crazy diamond.'"
"Pack your freaking stuff, Harrison, and get the heck out of my house." (Edited for mature content)
"Justin Bieber will be retro and kitschy some day!"
"It's what gets me through the present."
"You mean the past that created you? (Pause for reaction) Yes, son. Those are some of my fondest memories, because that's where you came from."