As it slid slowly, glacially off a trinity of buttermilk pancakes at IHOP, a swirl of whipped topping left behind what can only be described as a desperately purple skid mark. For a moment I had trouble imagining a scarier breakfast plate, which I suppose is a compliment when you’re talking about Halloween-inspired foodstuffs. But then Gomez’s Green Chile Omelette arrived, and suddenly horror had a new name.
Seasonal limited-time menus have long graced the full-service chains, of course, and IHOP’s Hollywood-inspired cross-promotional efforts — in this case a heavily advertised monthlong homage to the new animated version of “The Addams Family”— are not news either. Still, you have to feel for IHOP’s kitchen staff, tasked in this instance with first spreading cupcake frosting onto a hot pancake, decorating it with a spooky spider web drawn with Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and then crowning the whole thing with purple … something.
Without that last part, IHOP’s Wednesday’s Webcakes, as they’re known, would have made for a perfectly acceptable two-dimensional treat, a sort of flattened cinnamon roll. With it, you get a 660-calorie bomb whose nutritional profile includes the equivalent of 17 teaspoons of sugar. Whether the whole thing qualifies as “part of a good breakfast,” as the cereal companies put it, is something I’ll leave for the reader to decide.
For its part, Gomez’s Green Chile Omelette weighed in at a hefty 1,000 calories and called to mind, at least for me, something I’d spotted earlier — namely an animal repeatedly run over on Oyster Bay Road. That said, the omelet was a lively party of ingredients: roasted poblano, red peppers, onion, pork, shredded cheese, sour cream, and on and on. I find it hard to imagine a heartier way of spending $13.29, and the eggs — once I got past their somewhat disturbing appearance — weren’t half bad. As with the webcakes, the omelet put a scary dent in the day’s calorie allotment — but hey, Halloween, right?
There are 18 IHOP locations on Long Island. Check ihop.com for addresses and hours of operation.