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Ask Amy: Whatever he's hiding, tell him to get lost

DEAR AMY: I have been dating the same man for almost two years. I have two jobs that I work Monday through Friday, so my only free time is on the weekends or a few hours after my last job ends. I have never met his family (even though they live in the same metro area). I've never been invited to any family functions or to join him after I get off work if he is out with his friends. He will not tell me where he lives and has only stayed overnight at my apartment a handful of times.

We have never been on a real date but rather we always meet at a designated place. I have teased him about having a wife, and his comment to me is that I must think very poorly of him if I think he would cheat on a spouse. He tells me he loves me often. I am not a young, naive woman. I know that he is hiding something, and it's just driving me crazy to know the real story. I have finally given him the boot and am sticking to my guns about taking him back for the millionth time. How do I get him to 'fess up? He's an attorney, so he is very good at evading questions and chooses his words carefully. I could never win an argument with him and never even tried - it wasn't worth the frustration!Wants to KnowDEAR WANTS: If you are not a "young, naive woman," then you're a woman who has established that you're available for a booty call, followed by a runaround. I understand you're curious about what your male friend is hiding, and there are ways to find out. The most important issue has to do with you. You have tolerated being in a flawed and dishonest relationship for two years. I hope you really stick to your guns this time - and focus your energy on making sure your next relationship is healthy and transparent.

DEAR AMY: Your response to "Fed Up Mom" was in many ways good, but it missed the mark. She was worried about her recent college graduate's lack of motivation. As a clinical social worker, I heard "Mom's" description of her daughter's behavior as a sign of possible depression. The girl's lack of motivation - her sleeping until noon, 2 p.m., or even 4 p.m. - worried me. This young woman needs to be assessed for depression, and would benefit from some counseling and perhaps antidepressant medication.D. Goldfogel, LCSWDEAR LCSW: I agree that depression is a possibility, but I didn't interpret this girl's behavior the same way you did. Sleeping the day away can be a consequence of staying up most of the night. People who aren't occupied during the day sometimes adjust their schedules as a way to avoid dealing with the long stretch of daylight with too little to do.


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