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Abercrombie offers Situation cash not to wear its clothes

Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore Photo Credit: Getty Images

It’s an intoxicating situation.

In a bizarre stroke of reverse marketing, Abercrombie & Fitch Wednesday announced it is offering “substantial payment” to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and other “Jersey Shore” cast members to stop wearing its clothes.

“We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino’s association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image,” the firm said in a statement, adding that a connection to the booze-fueled reality show featuring fights and casual sex, hurt the “aspirational nature of our brand.”

Industry insiders harrumphed that the move was a naked publicity stunt, but several Ambercrombie & Fitch customers applauded the move.

“I understand where they’re coming from,” said Avery Akoto, 15, emerging yesterday from the Abercrombie & Fitch store at 56th and Fifth Ave. “The Jersey Shore gives a lot of stuff a bad name – like New Jersey,” observed the Newark resident.

Isn’t it ironic that A & F – a store renowned for hiring a hunky, shirtless male model to pose before a gigantic backdrop of two male groins – resents an association with the ab-arrogant Sorrentino?

“That’s different!” exclaimed Lolita Ryklin, a midtown resident. The half-naked Abercrombie & Fitch employees “are working and they’re not running around drinking and urinating in the middle of the street,” said the 38-year-old single mom.

Ryklin, an attorney, is untroubled by the precedent of paying people engaged in bad behavior to preserve an innocent party’s reputation. “I used to do divorces. Sometimes you have to pay the pig to make him go away,” she reasoned.

The company said in its release that it was “urgently waiting a response” from the eight cast members.

If Sorrentino “was really clever, he’d take action against them,” suggested Thomas Daniels, 20, a senior at the University of Galway in Ireland.

On what grounds?

“For discriminating against the promiscuous!” said Daniels. In Ireland, where the show is also aired, he confided, that guys like Sorrentino are described as “the town bicycle.”

You can figure it out.

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