When Hollywood’s wizards turned the Disney theme park ride “Pirates of the Caribbean” into the biggest movie franchise of the new millennium, they launched a trend.
In addition to the fourth installment of the Johnny Depp-starring franchise, “On Stranger Tides,” which opens Friday, plans are afoot for the Jon Favreau-helmed “Magic Kingdom” and the Tom Hanks-Tim Allen collaboration “Jungle Cruise.”
We’re offering the Mouse House our pitches for future adaptations of some other famed Disney theme park attractions:
The Swiss Alps are overtaken by noisy Americans, who have come to Europe to stage the world’s only drunken bobsled competition. Party!
Suggested star: Zach Galifianakis
‘It’s a Small World’
A lonely, elderly dollmaker goes on a global search for dolls to be his “children.” He comes home with hundreds, purchased everywhere from Russia to South America. One night, as he lies happily in bed, they start singing … and never, ever stop. He slowly goes insane.
Suggested star: Anthony Hopkins
‘Mad Tea Party’
Rogue tea cups plot a dramatic escape from the cupboard of the evil English ladies who insist on drinking from them every afternoon. The cups’ method: transform into sinister spinning giants. Cue dramatic explosions filmed in slow motion.
Suggested director: Michael Bay
‘Hall of Presidents’
Who really killed bin Laden? Not SEAL Team Six, but the “Ex-Presidents,” led by Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. They and the other 41 presidential alums might pretend, for national security reasons, to be audio-animatronic figures at Disney World, but they’re really elite crime fighters at the beck and call of President Barack Obama.
Suggested star: Nicolas Cage