Limberbutt McCubbins is throwing his paw in the 2016 presidential race. Though there seems to be a new candidate every week, even one with a lot of fur on his head, he's the only one that purrs.
Before you laugh, note that Limberbutt boasts some considerable talent. Besides Donald Trump, he's easily the cutest and most snuggly candidate. His agility would allow for one less podium during debates, as long as all the others are within jumping distance. He is also an ardent supporter of climate change reform, because getting wet is the last thing he wants. Iranian agreements, Cuban controversies and Russian disputes? He can nap through all of them.
Therefore, I hereby submit my application to become Limberbutt's 2016 New York campaign manager, and together we will win the Oval Litterbox. With a slogan like "Meow is the time," how could I resist?
Owner Emilee McCubbins of Louisville, Kentucky, outlined the rather simple steps it took to register her tabby to run for office. The 17-year-old said you don't need a Social Security number, just some papers for tax records and campaign donations. And no, she will not raise the $5,000 required to officially appear on the ballot because simply purring will not gain many votes outside of the crazy cat lady demographic.
"Personally, I think if you're going to become a leader of the free world, you should have to do a bit more of an extensive application process," McCubbins told ABC News.
She has a point, but these low barriers to the candidacy have produced other interesting campaigns for 2016, such as one from the Helluva Party and candidate Caesar St. Augustine De Buonaparte from the Absolute Dictator Party.
As for the 5-year-old Limberbutt, his national campaign manager, Isaac Weiss, a high school student and friend of Emilee, said the feline-American passes key requirements. Regarding his citizenship, "It doesn't seem likely that he walked all the way to Louisville from Canada, or Mexico, or swam from Cuba," Weiss said.
What about the 35-year-old age requirement for candidates? "The Constitution doesn't say it has to be human years," Weiss said.
Whether you have a problem with the ease with which a cat could be registered as a presidential candidate, you have to admit it would make for an interesting 2016 campaign.
The Democratic candidate would rule the debates and appoint his catnip cabinet. After swearing in over a can of Friskies, his first order of domestic policy would be to catch that elusive red dot on the walls of the White House.
Limberbutt would easily be the most bipartisan president, with no concern for whoever's work he interrupts when he comes crying for attention.
Christopher Leelum, a student at Stony Brook University, is an intern with Newsday and amNewYork.