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Filler: To the Democrats who are vote-shaming us ...

Lilyan Maitan stands in a voting booth during

Lilyan Maitan stands in a voting booth during the Republican primary election at St. George Greek Orthodox Church in Philadelphia on April 24, 2012. Photo Credit: Getty Images

The New York State Democratic Party isn't planning to take poor attendance at the ballot box from its members lying down. Party leaders are sending out letters to let folks know, essentially, that the Big Brothers (and Big Sisters) are watching, they expect you to vote, they'll know if you don't , and they'll demand to know why you didn't.

Here's the text of letters that went out to voters in the city, minus some informational details about polls:

"Dear potentially lazy, unruly Democrat (okay, that part I added):

Our records indicate that you are registered in New York County. Who you vote for is your secret. But whether or not you vote is public record. Many organizations monitor turnout in your neighborhood and are disappointed by the inconsistent voting of many of your neighbors.

We will be reviewing the New York County official voting records after the upcoming election to determine whether you joined your neighbors who voted in 2014. If you do not vote this year, we will be interested to hear why not."

I've been working on a response, not for me, because I've never registered as a member of any party, but for readers who might wish to use it. I'm still working on a first draft, and I'm always open to suggestions, but here's what I've got so far.

"Dear Democratic Party overlords,

I just wanted you to know I'm definitely planning to come out to vote on Tuesday, unless I get too busy with work, or my Hula Hoop lessons, or watching DVRed episodes of 'Shark Week' highlights. I mean, I might vote, I very well could. If there's no long lines, and it's not raining, and...I remember to.

But just in case I don't get around to casting a ballot, I wanted to let you know why I'm not making it a priority. Mostly, it's that there's not a single competitive race I'm eligible to vote in, nor a single candidate put up by your party who is worth getting out of my fuzzy slippers and bathrobe to support.

In my Assembly and Senate races the candidates you fielded against the long-time Republican incumbents are essentially sasquatches: people claim they've seen them and they exist, but it can never be verified and the photos are blurry and inconclusive. In my judgeship races, the candidates are running unopposed with, like, infinite ballot lines, thanks to your cozy deals with the other party leaders you work to oppose (Nod. Wink. Nudge in the ribs with elbow).

In the gubernatorial race, your Democratic candidate, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, is going to cruise to victory by approximately one jazillion votes because everyone is so happy with his union-busting, tax capping, pension-cutting Republican policies. I'm fine with those ideas too. But if the Democrat is a Republican, the Republican is a caricature and the liberals and conservatives are third-party candidates with barely enough campaign-funding to afford purple mimeograph ink and a few hundred t-shirts, why should I miss an episode of "The Great White: Nature's ... Um .... Extremely Scary Shark" to lend even tacit support to this papier mache disaster of a political system.

So I might vote. And I might not. And if I don't you can send me a scoldy letter. But if you do that, you're just going to push me even further toward changing my registration. It's one thing to belong to major political parties when they seem to have no principles. It's another thing to stick around when they show they've got no shame."

Sincerely,
Your pal in Democracy

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