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OpinionCommentary

Poetry to mark Trump's 73rd birthday

Special messages for the president.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Mike

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Mike Pence applaud President Donald Trump at the State of the Union address in February.

Friday is President Donald Trump’s 73rd birthday.

Have you gotten him a gift yet? No? Good! Because I hear from an impeccably unreliable source that Trump has soured on presents since Queen Elizabeth gifted him a (ugh!) book.

So instead of presents, the president has requested original poems singing his praises this year from those closest to him. I’ve gotten a sneak peek at a few.

Here you go.

Ivanka Trump

Happy birthday, daddy dear,

Thanks from your favorite child.

Since you’ve become the president

My bank account’s gone wild!

Jared Kushner

Happy birthday, dad-in-law,

You know I’m always true.

How do we get along so well?

My dad was just like you!

Kim Jung Un

You’re the greatest man who ever lived!

The stablest genius known!

Does flattery work well on you?

Does the pope still live in Rome?

Stormy Daniels

Happy birthday, my orange hon!

Remember our great night of fun?

Oh you’ve forgotten now, I’m told.

Guess that happens when you get old.

Vladimir Putin

Happy birthday, comrade!

I mean, my favorite guy.

The way you do just what

I want, it almost makes me cry!

Melania Trump

All that you have done for me,

I cannot count the ways.

How long ’til this is over?

About 500 days!

Donald Trump Jr.

You are indeed a special dad,

That’s something I well know.

But now they may indict me.

Hey pops, where did you go?

Kellyanne Conway

Happy birthday to my boss!

Your critics are all hacks.

So sorry that my husband, George,

is the leader of the pack!

George Conway

You don’t know what you’re doing!

The White House is a mess!

Where do I get my info?

Hmm, can you take a guess?

Robert Mueller

I’m not saying you’re not guilty,

I’m not saying you’re a crook.

I’m not saying much of anything,

’Cause soon I’ll have a book!

George W. Bush

Happy birthday, Donald.

Enjoy, I think you should.

I’m grateful you’re the president.

You’re making me look good!

Nancy Pelosi

They want me to impeach you

but I think it’s a trap.

So, I’ll celebrate my usual way.

Donald, here’s your clap.

Follow playwright Mike Vogel at @mikewrite7.

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