Due to reasons beyond any rational person’s control, several high-ranking jobs recently have become available in Washington.
In just 15 months, a steady procession of high-profile government employees has gone out the door of the White House.
Steve Bannon, Omarosa Manigault and Anthony Scaramucci - people Donald Trump used to actually like - were tossed out by his housekeepers.
But this time around, Trump is doing his own housecleaning. And he’s getting rid of some sturdy pieces of his Cabinet and anyone else who gets in his way.
He kicked out Secretary of State Rex Tillerson last Tuesday. Three days later, he got rid of FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe.
There are reports that H.R. McMaster, the national security adviser appointed when disgraced Michael Flynn was forced to step down, may soon leave. Attorney General Jeff Sessions also appears to be on shaky ground, and even John Kelly, who was hired as chief of staff after Reince Priebus was ousted, could be facing some uncertainty.
Trump says he’s getting closer to having the Cabinet and other things he wants. And he has made it clear that he’s looking for replacements who are on his same “wavelength.”
The president doesn’t need to waste time writing job descriptions. He knows exactly what he’s looking for in an employee. He only wants people who are willing to abandon all common sense and make fools of themselves in order to make him seem smart.
In other words, he is looking for egomaniacs, enablers and liars.
The White House wants a few loyal men, specifically white men who think like Trump. But more importantly, it wants “yes” men.
Trump wants a national security adviser who will stand with him in support of Russian President Vladimir Putin, no matter how many elections he interferes with or how many ex-spies he has likely had poisoned.
He wants an attorney general who is willing to pull out his sword when the special counsel’s investigation into Russian meddling appears to be getting closer to the president and cut it off at the knees.
He wants men who not only will disregard facts but are ruthless enough to look the American people in the eye and tell us that the sky is red when we can see that it is blue.
Trump is looking for men who appear to be sturdy on the outside but turn into jelly when he enters the room. He wants men who will hold their tongues and insist that he is right even when they are sure he is wrong.
He wants men he can trust to follow him blindly as he leads the country down a path of destruction. He wants men willing to sell their souls for brief stints of power - because no one who joins Trump’s administration can survive for long.
He wants men who will stroke his ego when the media get too tough. And when he picks up his phone at 5:42 a.m. and starts ranting on Twitter about Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of him on “Saturday Night Live,” he isn’t looking for a chief of staff who will threaten to take his phone away. He wants someone who might actually be inclined to “like” his tweet.
There’s no need to go scrolling through the whitehouse.gov website looking for specific job postings. You’d be wasting your time. But if someone in the White House decided to go rogue and be honest for a change, here’s what they might say about the recent opening for a new secretary of state:
This job requires skillful diplomacy, not so much in working with foreign nations but more so in dealing with our own commander in chief. The man who takes this job must be prepared to travel abroad and speak on behalf of the president, even though the president is back at home undermining his every move.
He must be willing to go along with the president’s reckless plan to dismantle the deal to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of Iran, because it was negotiated during the administration of Barack Obama, a man he vehemently detests.
He must act as though Trump’s idea to impose stiff tariffs on some goods imported from countries like China and Canada is a great idea, even though it could start a trade war that might upset the global economy.
But most importantly, the new secretary of state must be disciplined enough to keep his personal thoughts about the president to himself. Even if he thinks Trump is a moron, he must be willing to swallow his pride and go in front of television cameras and declare, “He loves his country. He puts Americans and America first. He’s smart.”
And if that’s not humiliating enough, he must be willing to hold his head up high when he learns via a tweet that he’s been fired.
Trump thinks that Tillerson would be “much happier” leaving the State Department. No doubt, he’s right about that.
There are plenty of Americans who are unhappy with the job Tillerson and conservative hard-liners like Sessions have been doing. But let’s not start jumping for joy before we know for certain who ends up landing in all of those vacated slots.
God help America if Trump succeeds in getting a Cabinet that’s entirely on his same “wavelength.”