“Hello. Is this [insert Long Islander]? This is an important announcement about your car insurance. Congratulations. You’ve been selected for cheaper car insurance thanks to rate changes in your ZIP code.
You still there? We’ll call back.
Hello. Is this [insert Long Islander]? This is an important message from the IRS. Your Social Security number is connected to illegal activity and has been blocked. For a fee, it can be reactivated. Can you confirm your Social Security number?
Hello. Is this [insert Long Islander]? This is an automated message from the fraudulent robocall community. The robocall community lovingly presents America with billions of robocalls annually. However, last month the U.S. Department of Justice sought restraining orders against companies carrying robocalls from foreign call centers. One of those companies is in Great Neck. Can we count on your support for local jobs for the fraudulent robocall community? Just press one and enter your banking pin number.
Hello. Is this [insert Long Islander]? We are trying you again at 2 a.m. on a Thursday. Is Chinese not your native language? We’d like to talk more about the fraudulent robocall community. The fraudulent robocall community is under threat from bipartisan 2019 federal legislation called the TRACED Act, a horrifying effort to prevent call spoofing, meaning that as its pieces click into place we will have a harder time making it look like a call is coming from Huntington and not Hyderabad. Government overreach!
Hello. You have been selected for a free Bahamas cruise package. There are two things all Americans can agree on: great free cruises and the greatness of fraudulent robocalls. Join with us and support more free cruises and more robocalls. [Insert Long Islander], insert your email address.
Hello? We’ll call back.”
Join us in hanging up on robocalls.
— The editorial board