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It’s doomsday — and you’re still reading this?

Ann Coulter speaks at the Conservative Political Action

Ann Coulter speaks at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington on Feb. 10, 2012. Credit: AP / J. Scott Applewhite

Hope you are enjoying your day. FYI, the world will end today.

According to some interpretations of biblical prophecy, Sept. 23 marks the date “worthy” Christians will be spirited to heaven, while the rest of us heathens are doomed. Religious extremists and conspiracy theorists alike point to an unusual astronomical alignment today that spells big trouble.

How will this play out? The theory cites a passage in the Book of Revelation about the appearance of “a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.”

Who is this woman? Who has recently appeared to predict doom and gloom?

Let’s start with Hillary Clinton. Hey, why not? She’s blamed for everything by both the left and right, so let’s pile on! If anyone has become a symbol of unexpected total disaster, it’s Hillary.

I believe people are misinterpreting the title of Clinton’s new book, “What Happened.” Perhaps it’s not about politics at all, but meant to be read by some future life-form, about how electing Donald Trump president instead of her was the final sacrilege, that God has finally had it with us.

Her book names those she holds responsible for this apocalypse, from Vladimir Putin to James Comey to low-information voters to Bernie Sanders.

Or maybe the blond culprit (the “woman clothed with the sun”) is Ann Coulter. In her book “In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!,” Coulter says anything Trump does would be fine with her — except change his policy on immigration, which would mean the end of the world.

So what does Trump do? Exactly that! And Coulter flips out, angrily tweeting, “At this point, who doesn’t want Trump impeached?” This betrayal of Trump’s most ardent booster can only mean one thing: The end is nigh.

What if it’s neither of them, but a man who has brought forth this imminent disaster? If Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un keep goading each other, end times do seem at hand.

And if it’s none of the above, whose fault is it? God keeps sending us warnings, and we shrug.

If we keep ignoring killer storms, droughts and other signs of impending doom, cartoonist Walt Kelly’s famous quotation will ring truer than ever: We have met the enemy, and he is us.

Playwright Mike Vogel blogs at