TODAY'S PAPER
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Opinion

LI PUNCHLINES: COMEDIANS GIVE THEIR TWO CENTS

We're in a credit crisis because banks tried to rip off dumb people who thought they could buy houses they couldn't afford.

I was smart enough to realize I couldn't afford a house. I tried to control my costs. I drive a car with 260,000 miles on it. I live at home with my parents.

Do you know what women in their late 20s think of 32-year-old men who drive beaten-up '91 Volvos and still live with their moms?

I did not have sex in 2007 and 2008. Who is going to bail me out?! - Thomas J. Kelly

The U.S. Postal Service wants to shut down delivery one day a week to save the country money. I think this is a great idea. If people don't get their mail, then they won't get their bills. Then of course they won't be able to pay their bills. They'll save that money and be able to afford things like dinners, movies, Broadway shows and new cars again. They won't have any electricity or water in their homes, but you can't have everything. - Joe Pontillo

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