Based on the title of Forrest Griffin's second book, "Be Ready When the - - Goes Down," the bathroom seemed like the perfect place to begin reading it. (Oh, don't even front like you don't do that.)
An hour later, my legs were asleep and I felt like Danny Glover in "Lethal Weapon 2." No Mel Gibson to save me, thankfully. Who knows what he'd start yelling at me.
To read Griffin's book seriously is to firmly believe that the former UFC light heavyweight champion is certifiably crazy.
To read Griffin's book as humorously is to moderately believe that the former UFC light heavyweight champion is certifiably crazy.
Either way, you will laugh.
The book, co-written with Erich Krauss and billed as a survival guide to the apocalypse, lets us know how to act in key situations when the world ends. Key situations such as "What to do when being chased by Tina Turner" or "Things to savor before they turn to ash."
Do you have safe zone? Do you have an escape route to said safe zone? What about milking animals, can you do that? And do you know which ones can be milked.
These are unique situations, unique situations you can only hope to ready for should they arrive. Think of this book as "Man vs. Wild" . . . if it aired on Spike.
Like Griffin writes early on, "this book is written for idiots, by idiots." Here's the perfect summation to how to approach this amusing book which hits shelves Tuesday, Aug. 3:
"Since you are currently reading a book on the apocalypse written by a professional fighter who's suffered some pretty serious head trauma, I'm assuming that you have some mental impairments of your own."
How to read "Be Ready When the - - Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse"
- Start with the parental warnings and acknowledgements, they're amusing.
- Definitely go next to the "You MUST Pass This Test . . . This Time I Mean It!" opening chapter. Take the test. See how you rate.
- After that, although the book is written in chronological order from preparing for the apocalypse to the apocalypse to how to survive it, you can skip around and read different sections. Each chapter is broken up into smaller sections.
- Always, always, always stop and read the Fortune Cookie Wisdom text boxes when you come across them. Amusing, informative, wise.
- Hope you make it through the apocalypse.