DEAR AMY: When my fiance and I got engaged, we were extremely excited to plan our wedding. However, the process of planning a wedding has become unbearable, mainly because of my family. Things have been bad from the beginning. My fiance and I have been saving for this day and offered to pay for the wedding, but my family was truly offended at the idea. Now they've used their status as wedding financiers to control the whole thing. We have tried to compromise on what we want, but that does not seem to work. For example, it was important to my family to have a Catholic service, but because my fiance and his family are not Catholic, we chose an abbreviated service as a compromise. However, my family still insisted on the full Mass. I've been overruled on every detail, including my dress, songs at the reception and which friends I'm permitted in my bridal party. At this point, nothing about the wedding reflects us as a couple. We are so unhappy with how it has been going that we have decided we'd rather just elope. Are we being unreasonable? Isn't our wedding supposed to be about us?Wannabe Runaway BrideDEAR WANNABE: The hazard of letting someone else pay for your party is what you're facing now: Your family members, as hosts, are heads of "the party planning committee" and as such are calling the shots.
If you are brave enough to leap into your future by getting married and forming a new family, then you and your fiance should be brave enough to assert yourselves now.
You two should meet with your parents and say, as a couple, "This is not what we want, so we're going to thank you very much, repay the deposits you've put down and have the wedding we want to have." Make sure to thank them for their generosity. And then do what you want to do (and what you can afford to do).