'Talk about macular de-generation'
DEAR READERS: I'm marking my 10-year anniversary of writing the "Ask Amy" column by rerunning some of my favorite Q-and-A's from a decade of advice.
DEAR AMY: I am a 46-year-old, never-married man who has not dated seriously in more than 20 years. Recently, I have become curious about a phenomenon I have noticed: It seems to me that women in their 20s are exponentially better-looking than they were when I was in my 20s and first moved to the city. Don't get me wrong -- I fully realize I am too old to try to date them, and I seriously doubt that I have become less repulsive to them as I have grown older. I would just like to know if there has been an actual demographic change, if this is merely the glandular consequence of middle age, or if it is due to global warming?
--Perplexed in Chicago
DEAR PERPLEXED: I agree. Young people do seem to be exponentially better-looking than when you and I were in our 20s.
Perhaps we belong to a distinctly unattractive generation. Maybe we can blame this phenomenon on the style of the 1980s. No one can look good in a mullet.
Or perhaps it has to do with our eyesight -- and theirs -- because have you noticed that as you approach middle age, you seem to be growing ever more invisible? Talk about macular de-generation. (2005)
DEAR AMY: What do you do if you are at someone's home for a party and the toilet gets clogged?
--Mary from Las Vegas
DEAR MARY: Yell "fire" and run out into the street? You could try to fix the situation yourself, but this might lead to one of those "I Love Lucy" disasters that just compounds the problem.
I think a quick private word with the homeowner would be in order. You can always try to blame the dog. (2004)