DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I are in our mid-50s. We have been living together for seven years. Two weeks ago he was still logged on to our computer when I went to use it. I looked at his email. He had around 40 emails from Match.com. When confronted, he said it was spam and he didn't open any. It had account information that obviously belonged to him. After about a week, I decided to let it go. He has never given me cause to think he was cheating. Last week I noticed his emails were deleted, but his browsing history showed he had opened them all and looked at pictures. I left for three days. I love him very much, but I feel as if he's cheating. I don't know what to do. Amy, can you offer me any insights?
DEAR UNSURE: It's (remotely) possible that your guy is receiving emails from a previous account or subscription to Match.com. However, you say you've been together for seven years.
That information strains this theory because even the most aggressive and "sticky" membership wouldn't stay active over the course of several years -- unless someone encouraged it along by either paying the monthly fee or maintaining an active unpaid subscription.
At the least, your guy is "looking." So far his behavior shows that he is trying to avoid talking about this while simultaneously covering his tracks and hoping not to get caught. Well, he's been caught. Now you two need to communicate about it.
You should try to get to the truth here because the nuances of this might make a difference in your decision about this relationship.
If you would be open to the idea of your guy even passively looking at women who contact him through this dating site, then you'll need to tell him so. If you can't tolerate this, he'll have a choice to make between Match.com and you.