Confront man who put the moves on your wife

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been married for 27 years and are still deeply in love with each other. She has had a best female friend for the last 20 years. The two women have planned to have a girls' week away soon; the husbands will join them for an additional week, so it will be the four of us. Over the years I have always sensed that the other husband, "Jasper," had a thing for my wife, but I've let it go. Recently the four of us went out. At one point my wife and Jasper were alone at the table. He made some comments about her appearance, revealed his feelings for her and took her hand and placed it on his upper thigh. He said they should be together. When I returned I sensed that something was wrong, but at that moment I left it alone. My wife and I discussed it the next day, and she wants me to "let it go." So here is the dilemma: The ladies are still going on their trip, but I'm not sure I can travel with them and then spend a week with this so-called friend. I seriously doubt that I can trust him anymore. Do I confront him and put all my cards on the table? Do I simply let the ladies go on their trip and the guys stay home? Or would it be wisest to keep my silence, join them on the trip and watch him like a hawk?

--Unsure

DEAR UNSURE: I can understand why your wife wants you to perpetually leave things alone, but she doesn't get to decide how you should react when someone crosses a line and interferes with your relationship. "Jasper's" actions have a profound impact on you, and you should confront him.

Depending on his reaction to this confrontation, I could imagine it clearing the air and then being able to resume a friendship (after some extreme awkwardness).

Either way, if he decides to go on this trip, you should go too. At this point, watching him like a hawk is definitely called for.