Her commitment ring goes on and off - Newsday

Her commitment ring goes on and off

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist. ...

DEAR AMY: I am 57. My girlfriend is 50. We've been together for two years. After ending her 30-year marriage, my girlfriend was very active socially with her friends and co-workers. She changed jobs and cities to live with me. Her new job requires her to be back in her former town up to three times a week. She has lunch with men she used to work with and drinks with co-workers. She comes home very late. I am never included with this clique of friends. I'm hurt that she wants to spend so much time with these people. She says she is "living her life" and she's not going to change. Her circle of friends demands that she be available to party. We agreed to keep wearing our commitment rings, but I have found her on a few occasions without it. I think she wears her ring only when she knows she is going to see me. Am I being unreasonable?

Loving Boyfriend

DEAR BOYFRIEND: After ending her marriage of 30 years, your girlfriend doesn't sound willing to settle down in a new town with you. She is declaring that she wants to live her life a certain way. She is also telling you that she will not change and that you can either like it or lump it.

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You should trust her enough to believe that she is telling you the truth about herself. Rather than continue to worry about the fact that you cannot control her, you should set her free.

DEAR AMY: "Worried Wife" suspected her husband was gay. With little evidence to go on, she could be wrong. She also could be right. I could have written her letter. After many years of marriage, I finally confronted my husband, and he told me he was gay. I hope Worried takes your advice and finds ways to support herself. I am proud that I was able to live independently after my marriage ended.Straight Spouse

DEAR SPOUSE: The Straight Spouse Network offers support to people married to gay spouses: straightspouse.org.

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