Pal accuses her of 'girl code' violation

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Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: I've been friends with "Debbie" for more than 15 years -- we're in our late 40s. We recently started hanging out more after I got out of a long relationship. Debbie and I have lots of laughs together. We went out one night with a few friends. She invited a guy to join us. She hooks up with him about once a year for a "booty call." He and I hit it off! He asked her for my number. I asked her, "Are you cool with this?" She said she was. Now he and I have been together for about three months, and my friend is angry with me. She said I broke the "girl code" by going out with this guy. I think she is upset because he was not more interested in her. She is the type who will use a guy to get him to pay for her dinners or buy her nice things, and this guy makes quite a bit of money. I try to make time to hang out with Debbie, but she either blows me off or drinks too much and gets on the same subject about how I stabbed her in the back. Should I continue to try to be her friend? He and I have talked about a future together. Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Your pal's annual "booty call" does not activate the "girl code." She doesn't get to hold a guy on reserve -- just in case.

But if you want to hold onto this friendship (and I wonder why you would), you might as well cop to violating the girl code and ask her to forgive you. You say, "I'm sorry about this and I know you're unhappy, but will you accept my apology and can we stay friends?" After that, she does not get to bring this up again.

DEAR AMY: "Lost Grandpa" was upset because his daughter-in-law didn't want to have children. He could look into a mentoring program. For the past four years, I've been a mentor in a program modeled after Big Brothers. There are no grandchildren in my future, and my "little brother" is a grandchild substitute. I cannot tell you how much joy I get from him.Proud of My Little Guy