She could give her ex's new love an earful

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: Two years ago, I divorced my husband of five years. It was a second marriage for both of us. We loved each other, but I frequently caught him lying. He had many inappropriate relationships with other women. His spending was out of control, putting me in serious financial jeopardy. Worst of all, he was physically abusive. I thought he would kill me. Fast- forward to today: He and I continue to be close. We see each other frequently and have a lively sexual relationship. I assumed that he is dating other women, as I have been dating other men. Still, I was shocked to learn that he has been in a serious relationship with a lovely young woman. I looked her up on social media, and I can tell she is head over heels in love with him. He has told me they are talking about marriage and children. While she knows about our continued "friendship," she has no idea how entrenched we continue to be. Further, she does not know that he owes thousands on credit cards and has not filed his taxes in two years. Clearly, he also has not told her about his history with domestic violence. As a mother, I feel protective of her innocence and cluelessness about him. She seems to want children and the white picket fence. I believe he will ruin her life. What obligation do I have to share any of this with her?--Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: I cannot imagine remaining in a relationship with someone you feared would kill you. This is a dangerous choice.

Because of the overwhelming quantity and severity of your ex-husband's issues, yes, this woman should be told about him. Because this man is violent, you need to figure out a way to warn her while protecting yourself. Doing this anonymously might be best.

Use this opportunity to take a fresh look at someone who presents risk to your emotional and physical well-being. Divorce was a great idea; now you should leave the rest of the relationship.