The political play's the thing

It's not the political season. It's the political-theater season.

And standing in the bright lights at center stage, the male and female leads keep flubbing their lines.

What do you mean "sniper fire," Hillary?

What's with the "bitter," Barack?

The calendar says 2008 is another presidential-election year. But you sure wouldn't know it the way the issues keep being ignored.

Health care, the environment, the economy, the Iraq war - they're all being treated like sideshows, when they're treated at all, while the crowd roars reflexively for the dramatic, the trivial, the outlandish and the mean.

Fifty-two minutes, that's how long it took Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos in the big Pennsylvania debate to get around to any of the stuff that actually matters. They were too busy with Barack's flag pin, Hillary's war fibs, Barack's Weather Underground pal, Hillary's reaction to Barack's minister and back-and-forth and back-and-forth until the whole country was far too exhausted to pay any attention any more.

Which is why, at week's end, I wasn't talking to any more political-pundit friends. What can they tell us about Shakespeare and Euripides? I was seeking expert guidance from Wendy Rosenfield, perhaps the sharpest drama critic in Philadelphia, where the big curtain is now being raised, a woman so keenly attuned to the theatrical nuances her blog is called Philly Drama Queen.

She noted the setting: A forest of American flags.

She mentioned how long the production's been running: On and on and on.

She sketched out the dramatic arc: Charming male newcomer meets sturdy female vet - who stumbles early but reaches inside herself and comes on strong in the end.

And she offered her own assessment of the final candidate clash, the kind of critique that actors and directors are used to hearing but politicians are usually shielded from.

"I was hoping for an example of Grand Guignol theater, the 19th-century theater that always involved a lot of blood letting and acid baths," the Philly Drama Queen said of the much-anticipated candidate face-off. "I expected a little bit of melodrama. What we got instead was the well made play. Tight script. Tight plot. Not too much excitement. It wasn't such an exciting event."



WHO'S COUNTING: On Charlie Peluso's Southwest flight last Sunday from Islip to West Palm, here was the unofficial wheelchair count: seven getting on, three getting off. Charlie, a former LIer now residing in Palm City, Fla., wonders: "Was there a faith healer aboard?"



SALUTE THIS: Bob Kersch of Great River took our 51st-state survey a little more seriously than most readers did, sending in his own creative response to the state-flag challenge. In his woodshop, Kersch fashioned a red-white-and-blue stars-and-stripes LI flag-plaque, shaped like the jig-saw geography of the island itself, with a bold "51" amid popping-white stars. "I've been making these for over a decade," he said, long before the current LI-51 buzz.



ASKED AND UNANSWERED: What's the scariest phone message at any Long Island law firm this week? Could it be "Andrew Cuomo on line 1"? . . . You think your divorce was ugly? You see the furious Tricia Walsh-Smith on YouTube, ripping into her soon-to-be-ex, Philip, chief of B'way's Shubert Org? . . . Hate to say it, but wasn't that kinda gracious of Donald Trump, hosting Ivana's latest wedding reception at Mar-a-Lago? Don't expect anything similar from the Walsh-Smiths

. . . If the LIRR was fined $43,875 for failing to recycle fluorescent light bulbs, what's the fine for letting cell-phone vigilante John Clifford roam the trains? . . . With the neighbors up in arms over the proposed National Bio and Agro Defense lab, would Not-So-Plum Island be a better name? . . . I'm not saying this is fair, but after the kiddie-porn arrest of Westbury's Alexander Zacarias, will you ever look at birthday-party clowns the same? . . . With 22,000 pairs of fake Nikes seized from a warehouse in New Hyde Park, what will counterfeit-craving bargain-hunters wear this year? . . . At 108 stories tall, is the base of the new Freedom Tower really the place to dump 50 cubic yards of "weak concrete?" . . . Springsteen endorses Obama: Who's boss now? . . . For his 81st birthday, what do you get for the pope who has everything - and nothing? . . . Have you already forgotten "Sarah Marshall?" Her movie just hit theaters Friday . . . Now that peeping-Tom security scanners are being installed at JFK, what's the chance iron-mesh underwear comes back into style? . . . Is this swift justice, California-style? Will the Phil Spector retrial EVER begin? Lana Clarkson was shot to death - "accidental suicide," he claims - on Feb. 2, 2003. . . . In DA Tom Spota's new crackdown on reckless drivers, are high-speed chases by hot-dogging Suffolk cops included? . . . Why didn't anyone think of this first? And who'll be next to copy it? That prom-dress give-away at the Tri-Community and Youth Agency Teen Center in Huntington Station. Nice work, Glenda Jackson and the Family Service League.

DRAMATIC LICENSE

1 "To be or not to be a total sleaze bag."



2 "Et tu, Howard Dean?"



3 "Out, damned super-delegate."



4 "Party loyalty is such sweet sorrow."



5 "If you prick us, do we not just dodge the question and pretend you asked us something else?"

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