July 6, 2009
Punchlines
Craig Ferguson, "The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson":
"President Bush arrived in South Korea today, and they had to use water cannons to push back the protesters. This shows you the change in times. When Bill Clinton visited there, they used the same water cannons for the wet T-shirt contest."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "The moderators were announced for the upcoming presidential debates. Barack Obama insisted on someone who asks evenhanded questions, while John McCain insisted on someone who will talk into his good ear."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The Olympics begin in Beijing on Friday. The great thing about these games is there are no heavy favorites. In fact, the only thing locked up in China right now is the Tibetan delegation."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Kansas Senator Sam Brownback says China will spy on Olympic visitors, including journalists and human rights activists. To which President Bush said, 'Since when do you need an Olympics to do that?'"
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Police are seeing a new crime trend as thieves are skimming drivers' credit card data at fuel pumps. So now every time you fill up, you're probably getting robbed twice."
Barach on a study which says living with a spouse lowers the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease: "For men, that's true. Mostly because their wives never let them forget anything they've ever done wrong."
Mixx it!
Get breaking news | Most popular stories | Dining and Travel deals all via e-mail!
Copyright © 2009, Newsday Inc.
From the web
Popular stories
- Steve McNair's brief affair ends in tragedy
- Rep. Peter King: Michael Jackson a 'child molester' and 'pervert'
- Merrick mother pleads guilty to beating son, 6
- Pettitte, umps have bad days as Yanks fall to Jays
- 85,000 pounds of debris removed from Mastic Beach property
Special Sections
-
Top Doctors -
Plastic Surgery -
Green
Long Island Data
Newsday.com on your desktop
Facebook
MySpace
iGoogle
Typepad
Blogger
Twitter