Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: I'd like to respond to the blogger who commented on two overweight women he saw sharing a pizza and not wearing wedding rings. He wasn't surprised that they weren't married. Many overweight women have significant others. You can't tell just by looking at them, and some who are married don't wear a ring for philosophical or practical reasons. They could have been out on a girls night, only to return to their live-in boyfriends. Maybe they were going to save some of the large pizza for their boyfriends or for lunch the next day. I don't buy that the judgmental blogger would be friends with these women. That's what he tells himself to be reassured that he's a good person who doesn't make snap judgments -- except he just did.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Snap judgments are the archenemy of Singleworld, at the root of even more heartache than casual sex. (And that's saying a lot!) With scant facts to go by, the unmarried size one another up on the basis of hair color, height and whether there are pearly whites in a dazzling smile. If you've ever had the misfortune of being part of a singles fiesta, you know the drill: Keep your eyes looking straight ahead on the smiley face pinned on a person's jacket. Keep on smiling, repeating the same opening line to everyone you meet, no matter what -- until your "hello" is reduced to a hoarse croak.

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Meeting by chance has got to be a better way to meet than these trumped-up, awkward smiley soirees. Common interests and shared values are much better bonds than smiley faces and snap judgments.

DEAR SUSAN: The latest episode of a television show has got people in a heated conversation about casual sex. People are saying that the main question to ask oneself is, "Do I really want to do this?" What did you ask in your survey about single sex?

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: My survey on single sexuality still brings shockwaves -- so much so that I'm considering another one. But of all the questions in it, the first query received the most thundering response: "Why do you have sex?" It revealed that many (most?) people have never asked themselves that (murky) question and would welcome some straight talk on the broad issue of sexuality. Responses included "to get back at my parents," "to make sure he'll call again" and "to find out how it feels." Alongside those revelations were heartbreaks: "It's the only way he'll stay interested." That emotional blackmail brings a shudder and a tear to the eye of yours truly. It makes me wonder whether that response is shared by many women who habitually offer their bodies as currency.

In my book, there ain't no such thing as casual sex, because one of the partners is quietly harboring secret yearning for something more than fleshly contact. But then, don't get me started on the issue I love to hate. "Casual sex" is a prime oxymoron. It isn't casual, and it's sex of the lowest grade. Comments?