'Falling for Christmas' review: Lindsay Lohan's comeback stumbles

WHAT IT’S ABOUT Lindsay Lohan plays Sierra Belmont, pampered heiress to a ski resort fortune. Shortly before Christmas, she and her egocentric boyfriend, Tad Fairchild (George Young), take a romantic trip up a mountain — where she falls off the edge, knocks her noggin and wakes up with amnesia. Luckily, she’s found by Jake Russell (Chord Overstreet), the handsome and conveniently widowed proprietor of the financially struggling North Star Lodge. Think “It’s a Wonderful Life,” with a dash of “Overboard.”

MY SAY The return of Cold Spring Harbor and Merrick-raised Lohan would be a nice Christmas gift indeed. A once-sparkling screen presence — from 1998’s “The Parent Trap” to 2004’s “Mean Girls” — and a bona fide pop star, she had a rare combination of talent, charisma and girl-next-door appeal. But Lohan’s fairy-tale story curdled into a showbiz cautionary tale: hard partying, fast company (in the form of professional cool kid Paris Hilton; did “Mean Girls” teach Lohan nothing?) and stints in rehab. Hollywood labeled her unbankable, and her acting career has yet to fully recover.

Netflix is taking a gamble on Lohan with “Falling for Christmas” (and a deal for two more films). It’s the kind of small-screen comfort food Netflix once churned out with great success and seems designed to let Lohan once again shine. To her credit, she tries, but “Falling for Christmas” is such a low-effort, low-quality affair that you might wonder whether Netflix really has the star’s best interests at heart.

You might also wonder whether Lohan has really put the past behind her. There’s something undeniably Hiltonesque about Lohan’s Sierra, from her idly rich lifestyle to her overindulgent father (Jack Wagner). Even her mountaintop engagement recalls the real one between Hilton and actor Chris Zylka announced in January 2018. Maybe it’s coincidence, but Sierra often feels like a parody of Lohan’s old carousing partner: “I just want people to remember me for more than my last name,” she whines.

Of course, Sierra gets a chance to redeem herself at the North Star Lodge, where she must actually do some work — cue the hapless housekeeping montage with the oversudsed washing machine — and serve as surrogate mom to Jake’s adorable daughter (Olivia Perez). Can Sierra come up with a plan to save Jake’s business? How long before the two end up under the mistletoe? And will Sierra ever sing more than a few words of “Jingle Bell Rock,” Lohan’s new single? (Strangely enough, no.)

“Falling for Christmas” is awfully thin gruel, and you certainly won’t beg for more. Lohan shows glimmers of charm as Sierra, but Overstreet’s Jake is a nonsexual nonentity; together, they radiate less heat than a forgotten mug of cocoa. The film also throws in a gay reveal that feels both pointless and pandering.

If only Lohan had been cast in a movie with some wit and depth, perhaps allowed to play a grown woman rather than this frozen-in-girlhood character. What will it take for her to get off Hollywood’s naughty list? With “Falling for Christmas,” Lohan has surely done her penance.

BOTTOM LINE If you make it to the closing credits, it’ll be a Christmas miracle.