Scott Vogel as the Pillsbury Doughboy at a Halloween party.

Scott Vogel as the Pillsbury Doughboy at a Halloween party. Credit: Newsday/Scott Vogel

Each year, faced with the decision of what to wear for Halloween, millions of adults will settle on food-themed costumes, on the idea that there’s nothing quite so dependably hilarious as a man dressed as a giant pickle. This is a huge mistake. For one, people stopped laughing at pickle costumes in 1973 (same goes for ketchup bottles and mustard jars). For another, much more of nature’s bounty is available costume-wise than in years past. These days, a veritable nylon and polyester smorgasbord awaits, along with zillions of ways for Halloween party goers to express themselves in food form — even as they elicit well-earned guffaws from fellow guests.

ON AND OFF TREND

Sure, Party City’s photorealistic charcuterie board tunic costume with removable 3D cheese pieces ($32) is a cute idea. It’s also very last year. Same goes for giant bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. What is hot? Boba tea, which is why nothing says 2023 like a brown polyester officially-licensed cup of Kung Fu tea trimmed with tapioca pearls ($49.99, also available in matcha and taro flavors). Meatless meat is having a moment, and so is a Beyond Burger-inspired “tan tube dress with a speckled bust seed print [and] a ruffled lettuce trim with a burger patty print” topped by a jaunty little headband that reads PLANT BASED. And if you’re absolutely insistent about going as a condiment, at least let it be one from this century, like a bottle of sriracha hot sauce ($44.99 at Forever 21).

FAST FOOD/JUNK FOOD COSTUMES

Not to fear, someone will always be selling Colonel Sanders’ double-breasted white suit with matching pleated pants and the sold-separately iconic white wig and beard that make the Colonel look like a schnauzer, which come to think of it is accurate. But there are newer fast food fashions as well, including an officially-licensed Taco Bell Gordita Crunch costume and 7-Eleven’s first ever inflatable Slurpee cup, which measures a full 68 inches “from dollop to bottom” and costs $60. Sick of showing up to parties as a White Castle slider? Surprise your friends this year by going as a box of the chain’s chicken rings.

Baby’s first Halloween? Swaddle the little dear in a blanket “designed to resemble a mouthwatering Subway wrap,” then watch while friends try to guess which is the actual footlong before it’s too late.

As for adults, fans of mildly lewd garb have always drawn on quick-service restaurants for inspiration, from sexy Wendys to risqué Ronald McDonalds. But this year, you can think inside the box and go as sexy ham and Cheddar Lunchables. Or inside the tub (Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese) or tube (Pillsbury Doughboy inflatable)? Dunkin’ gets points for letting Fido in on the Halloween action: For $24.99, your dog can parade around in Dunkin’s official employee uniform and visor, and perhaps even speed things up at the drive-thru during peak hours.

COUPLES HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

Those with a penchant for Halloween matchy-matchiness have arguably the hardest task of all, so cliche-ridden are the comestibles. Going as peanut butter-and-jelly is a hard no, ditto chips-and-salsa, Chinese-takeout-box-and-fortune-cookie and kale-salad-and-bottle-of-ranch-dressing. Given that America’s favorite sandwich cookie basically owns whole aisles of the supermarket at this point, an Oreo couples costume is a safe if unexciting option ($55.95) with a foam Oreo front for one, foam Oreo back with cream filling for the other. And while not new, going as a half-avocado and slice of toast still manages to shock, thanks to a health-conscious message so at odds with the holiday, it borders on insurrection. Beyond that, couples’ choices are pretty limited and mostly involve a liquor bottle (whiskey, Fireball, tequila) chased by a citrus wedge (lemon, orange, lime respectively), none of them an original idea. But hey, at least you won’t be one more Barbie and Ken or Taylor and Travis.

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