Michael J. Fox reveals how he endured his 'darkest moment'

Five-time Emmy Award winner Michael J. Fox, who has lived with Parkinson's disease for decades, says that two years ago he endured what he called his "darkest moment."

Recalling that at that time he had a noncancerous tumor on his spine, the 59-year-old Fox told People magazine in an interview posted Wednesday, "I was heading for paralysis if I didn't get it operated on." He underwent the risky surgery, which his representative revealed in April 2018, then began four months of physical therapy in order to regain his ability to walk.

Taking a family vacation to Martha's Vineyard, he returned alone to New York City to shoot a cameo appearance the next day in Spike Lee protégé Stefon Bristol's Netflix film "See You Yesterday" (2019). But he fell in his family's Manhattan apartment and broke his arm.

Though Fox eventually did shoot his role as high school science teacher Mr. Lockhart in the film, that came only much later after what the actor called "definitely my darkest moment." Fox, who writes of the fall in his fourth memoir, "No Time Like the Future," due out Nov. 17, told People, "I just snapped. I was leaning against the wall in my kitchen, waiting for the ambulance to come, and I felt like, 'This is as low as it gets for me.' It was when I questioned everything. Like, 'I can't put a shiny face on this. There's no bright side to this, no upside. This is just all regret and pain.' "

While recovering, he rekindled his optimism. "Optimism is really rooted in gratitude," said Fox. "Optimism is sustainable when you keep coming back to gratitude, and what follows from that is acceptance. Accepting that this thing has happened, and you accept it for what it is. It doesn't mean that you can't endeavor to change. It doesn't mean you have to accept it as a punishment or a penance, but just put it in its proper place. Then see how much the rest of your life you have to thrive in, and then you can move on."

The "Back to the Future" film-series star — who has continued to act in recurring roles on such series as "The Good Wife," "Designated Survivor," "The Good Fight" and "Rescue Me," which netted him an Emmy — said he also takes comfort in his family: Woodbury-raised actress wife Tracy Pollan, 60, son Sam, 31, twin daughters Aquinnah and Schuyler, 25, and daughter Esmé, 19.

"People don't believe me, but I love life," said Fox, a Manhattan resident who has a second home in Quogue. "I love being with my family. I love being with Tracy. I love that I don't do a lot of useless stuff that I used to do, because I don't have the energy or the time."