Palin bests The Situation on 'DWTS' season opener

Bristol Palin or Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino on the first night of the 11th season of "Dancing With the Stars?" This judge's vote is in: Palin wins Night One.

She had the dress. He had the moves. She had the smile. He had the flop sweat. She had the rehearsal time. He had basically none. Maybe she should join the third season of "Jersey Shore."

Really, how weird was Monday night? Expectations have been largely minimal for the daughter of a Tea Party figure head who was (by the way) nowhere to be seen in last night's audience.

"I'm not an entertainer. I'm not a performer. I'm nervous. If I can do half of what Mark [Ballas, her partner] taught me and don't embarrass my mom, I'll be thrilled," Palin said before her performance.

She boogied, bounced, bobbed and bopped well enough to turn the three judges' heads and scores (a total of 18 out of 30). "Very acceptable for week one," said Len Goodman. (Yes, Len. Very.)

The Situation? "My dancing consists of many nights at the club . . . " Which would explain everything. Plus, he had just five days to train. The judges didn't care for the excuse because everyone's got one of those.

Mr. Abs got a 15 out of 30. As always, "Dancing With the Stars" was a banquet of unintentional humor tumbling down a small mountain of Velveeta.

David Hasselhoff did not disappoint, nor did Margaret Cho, who (intentionally) got tangled up in her costume's bat wings.

Frontrunners from Monday night are Rick Fox, Jennifer Grey and Brandy.

Grey had the big moment Monday night: In taped rehearsals, she started to cry when she recalled Patrick Swayze, who died last year.

"Patrick was one of the most fearless people I have ever met so I'm just going to try and go out there and do the best I can." She got a 24.

But at this stage of "Dancing," the most interesting dancers aren't necessarily the best, but the ones with the best comebacks.

Such as Florence Henderson who made this inscrutable observation to Goodman: "Stay interested and stay interesting. Don't be boring, OK, Len?"