‘Mother’s Day’ review: Mom deserves better than this cynical movie

It seems there’s no stopping Garry Marshall’s terrifying cinematic rampage on our nation’s treasured holidays. Having ruined both “Valentine’s Day” and “New Year’s Eve” with his star-packed omnibus projects, the director has burned his way through the calendar, landing on “Mother’s Day” as his next victim.

This time around, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Jason Sudeikis, Margo Martindale and Timothy Olyphant, among others, are subjected to the interconnected, fake-heartwarming holiday-themed story. The movie is only nominally about motherhood. Instead, it is far more concerned with exploring the ideas of marriage, careers, single dads, the military, prejudice, jealousy, grief and clown wisdom.

For the humor, “Mother’s Day” relies on a hearty dose of generational and gender panic. The characters panic about tampons, social media, texting, teen dating, and the wearing of shorts. Not to mention the fit about gay people and Indians that the parents of Jessie (Kate Hudson) and Gabby (Sarah Chalke) throw when they find out that their daughters are married to an Indian man and a woman, respectively. The racist and homophobic comments they make are rightfully called out as offensive, but their depiction as intolerant, domestic beer-swilling trailer trash just might be more offensive to Texans.

There are also two ER trips and a runaway RV chase. And we are granted one of the most surreal moments of recent cinema when single dad Bradley (Jason Sudeikis) wildly overcorrects his initial lack of enthusiasm for the holiday due to his wife’s death. Stuffing the house full of flowers and balloons, he gives his teen girls a car and a karaoke machine, with which he performs a rousing rendition of the hip-hop tune “The Humpty Dance.” He dances with his teenage daughters. While singing “The Humpty Dance.” At a Mother’s Day party.

“Mother’s Day” is a total mess, but what’s truly offensive is that they didn’t even try to make this cynical, post-Sunday brunch cash grab even remotely watchable. Your mom deserves so much better this Mother’s Day.