'Shark Night 3D,' dumb-dumb, dumb-dumb

You know, I expected more from "Shark Night 3D."

It could have been a riotous failure, like 1983's "Jaws 3-D," or maybe a stealth parody, like 1978's "Piranha." A remake of that movie, last year's "Piranha 3D," turned out to be a gem of a sicko comedy, and I await the sequel, "Piranha 3DD," due in theaters next fall.

"Shark Night 3D," however, is disappointingly tame. Hampered by its PG-13 rating, it can't offer much gore or nudity -- the only reasons any sane person would buy a ticket -- and there's little imagination or humor to compensate. The good news is that the sharks look real, and the 3-D effect is clean and smooth throughout. So, there's that.

The characters are the usual brainless college students (at Tulane University, which should prepare for a drop in its rankings), including med-school hopeful Nick (Dustin Milligan), willowy Sara (Sara Paxton), oversexed Beth (Katharine McPhee, of "American Idol") and athletic Malik (Sinqua Walls). They're not very interesting -- the girls do sexy dancing, the guys do the hip-hop hug -- but things liven up with the arrival of two sinister-looking locals, snaggletoothed Red (Joshua Leonard) and handsome Dennis (Chris Carmack). They're offensive Southern stereotypes, but at least they (and Donal Logue, as a buffoonish sheriff) seem to be having fun.

Director David R. Ellis ("The Final Destination," also in 3-D) does what's expected, zooming around underwater, ogling bikini-bottoms and throwing chum at the audience, but the film never manages to raise a good scare or a chuckle. Its only nutty moment comes near the end, when a villain suddenly turns Nietzschean -- "It's all moral relativism! It's beyond good and evil!" -- but by then it's too late. "Piranha 3DD," I'm counting on you.