'DWTS:' How bad, or good, was Bristol?

She had the dress. He had the moves. She had the smile. He had the flop sweat. She had the rehearsal time. He had basically none. Maybe she should join the third season of "Jersey Shore."

Really, how weird was last night? Expectations have largely been minimal for the daughter of a tea party figure head who was (by the way) nowhere to be seen in last night’s audience. "I’m not an entertainer. I’m not a performer. I’m nervous. If I can do half of what Mark [Ballas, her partner] taught me and don’t embarrass my mom, I’ll be thrilled."

Bristol boogied, bounced, bobbed and bopped well enough to turn the three judges' heads and scores (a total of 16 out of 30). "Very acceptable for week  one," Len Goodman said. (Yes, Len. Very.)

The Situation? "My dancing consists of many nights at the club..." Which would explain everything. Plus, he had just five days to train. The judges didn't care for the excuse because everyone's got one of those. Mr. Abs got a 15 out of 30.

As always, "Dancing with the Stars" was a banquet of unintentional humor tumbling down a small mountain of Velveeta. David Hasselhoff did not disappoint, not did Margaret Cho, who got tangled up in her costume's bat wings. Front-runners from last night are Rick Fox, Jennifer Grey and Brandy, but at this stage of "DWTS," the most interesting dancers aren't necessarily the best, but the ones with the best comebacks. 

Such as, Florence Henderson who made this inscrutable observation to Goodman: "Stay interested and stay interesting. Don't be boring, OK, Len?"