Joan Rivers left off the Oscars' 'In Memoriam' list: What would Joan think?

Joan Rivers was left off Sunday's Oscars "In Memoriam" tribute list, which is the single greatest controversy to have happened to this year's show. (Really? That obviously means that Seth MacFarlane wasn't the host last night then.)

Let's sort through this controversy, and then go directly to Joan herself for the last word -- because believe it or not, she somehow knew that the day would come when she would NOT be included on this long sad laundry list of the dearly departed.

I would argue that she wouldn't have wanted to either.

Here's what happened: Late in the telecast of the 87th annual Oscars, the names began appearing in a highly stylized and sensitively produced segment (and no applause from the audience, thank goodness; just respectful silence).

Then, by the time Jennifer Hudson had wrapped it all up with a performance of "I Can't Let Go," Twitter was exploding -- because that's what Twitter does.

Where was Elaine Stritch? Then the real fury: Where was Joan Rivers?!

Stritch's absence could be explained -- She certainly had dozens of TV roles over a long career, and maybe a few movie ones, too -- but Stritch was a Broadway doyenne, not even remotely a big screen one.

But Rivers? She essentially defined the Oscars over a couple of decades -- or at least defined the fashions, setting a pregame tone that was both somehow acidic and oddly comforting at the same time, reminding the rest of us that even the most beautiful people in the world can make the ugliest sartorial choices.

She shredded the red carpet -- so much so that by the time the last stretch limo arrived, there were only a few tattered threads left.

She also uttered so many jokes about Elizabeth Taylor's chins, or Russell Crowe's personalities, that you could almost recite them by heart. You certainly hoped she would.

She was the anti-Oscars -- the brutal truth-teller for the rest of us. And she wasn't nice about it either.

And you -- Twitter -- expected her to be included on the In Memoriam list?

Think about this. Think about what would have happened if she had been among those so honored.

As the list moves along, suddenly Joan's name pops up, let's say somewhere between James Garner and Maya Angelou.

At that second, half of the room glances down at their bespoke perfection to wonder: What would Joan have said?

Really: What WOULD Joan have said about Cate Blanchett's John Galliano for Maison Margiela dress, accessorized with a Tiffany turquoise necklace -- the whole thing, what, costing about 10 million bucks?

I thought it was stunning. That's not the word Joan would have used.

 Why would Rivers want to be included on this list anyway? To be included would have made a mockery of her mockery -- as if to say, "oh Joan, we loved you after all! You were so funny! We never took umbrage."

They always took umbrage. Umbrage is what the Academy takes.

 But enough about umbrage.

Rivers' eerily foretold her non-inclusion on the dearly departed list, and -- more importantly -- laughed about it. And if she didn't exactly foretell this, she absolutely had the right perspective on the whole affair: 

 --“I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.”

--"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."

--"Every television show you go on is a choice."

--"Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube."

--"I love the Internet, and I love that you can say whatever you want."

--"I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive."

--"I've never thought of it consciously ... I say exactly what I think, and very often it's totally politically incorrect. I get, always, chastised for it. So it's not shtick. But I think I'm the one who says, 'The emperor has no clothes.' "

--"I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can't change what happened."

--"Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be."

--"I'm always shocked when I get an invitation. People are always shocked when they see me at a party."

--"When I am on E! for the 'Fashion Police,' I only care about being a critic. It loses me many friends."

--"I'm a New York girl. I come out of New York theater."

--"Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things."