Lincoln is in Beard Hall of Fame, honest

There's the Trapshooting Hall of Fame and Museum in Vandalia, Ohio. There's the U.S. Ballooning Hall of Fame in Indianola, Iowa. There's even the Roadkill Hall of Fame -- on the Internet. And somewhere in the imagination of cable channel IFC's promotional people, there is now the "Whisker Wars" Beard Hall of Fame -- surely the only one to which Abraham Lincoln and Zach Galifianakis can both belong. (The channel airs "Whisker Wars," which focuses on competitive facial-hair growing.)

Those two, along with Pittsburgh Steeler Brett Keisel, the band ZZ Top, the mad monk Rasputin and the mad actor Joaquin Phoenix, make up the inaugural class in what IFC says are the results of 10,000 votes in various categories -- though how Lincoln, the winner for Politics, wasn't considered for Historical Figures, like Rasputin, leaves us stroking our metaphoric beard in puzzlement.

Among those losing by a hair are Brad Pitt, who came second to Phoenix, 31 to 33 percent, in the Sometimes Bearded category, and both Moses and Leonardo da Vinci, who each garnered 24 percent of Historical Figures next to Rasputin's 25 percent.

The most surprising also-ran? Yosemite Sam, who in the Television & Movies category lost out not only to Galifianakis but to Jeff Bridges.

The respondents may or may not be representative of the public at large -- in an accompanying poll, a whopping 92 percent said a beard on a guy was "hot." As well, 60 percent said, "A beard can never be too long," and that the best type was "full beard natural," as opposed to "full beard groomed" or "partial beard." Goateed hipsters, take note.

The rest of us will just have to live on the razor's edge.