Low tide as 'Jersey Shore' season 5 opens

The "Jersey Shore" eight are packed into a van and arrive at the familiar house (duck phone still intact) while the old job at the Shore Store awaits. The first night, there's a quick welcome-back party at Captain Hook's, arranged by their boss, Danny, which turns into a surprise party, where family and old friends -- like Snooki's boyfriend, Jionni, and Mike's pal, the "Unit" -- turn up. Drinks are consumed. Tempers erupt. Meanwhile, Vinny falls into a deep depression. I understand why.

By contrast, Italy was a wasted edition -- a stain on one of the world's most beautiful cities (Florence) and a strain on the eight, who crawled across the finish line. For fans as much as for them, this season is a genuine reprieve -- except when another drunken night ends in the cold light of another morning. "Groundhog Day" has set in. Same hangover. Same jokes. Same snark. Even mice in a cage get bored, and Vinny really does seem bummed by episode's end. You may understand why, too.

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