'Pistol' review: Rotten recounting of punk rockers' saga

WHAT IT'S ABOUT Steve Jones (Toby Wallace) is a self-described Artful Dodger-type without much of a future, but he does have a talent for stealing. One day, sizing up a London lingerie shop named "Sex," he meets proprietor, Chrissie Hynde (Sydney Chandler), who sets him off in a whole new direction — punk rock. Under the direction of her friend, Malcolm McLaren (Thomas Brodie-Sangster), they begin to form a band which includes John Lydon — soon to become Johnny Rotten (Anson Boon) on vocals, and later, John Simon Ritchie — aka Sid Vicious (Louis Partridge) — on bass. The Sex Pistols were born, and with them a call to arms. "We're not into music," explained Rotten. "We're into chaos." A big hit arrived in 1976 ("Anarchy in the U.K.") followed in 1977 by an album with the nearly unprintable name of "Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols." One of the songs on that album, "God Save the Queen," was banned from airplay in the U.K. The band's immortality was thus assured.

 This six-parter directed by Oscar winner Danny Boyle ("Trainspotting") is based on Jones' 2017 memoir, "Lonely Boy: Tales from a Sex Pistol." 

MY SAY On the basis of one album, a few hits, and a whole lot of noise, the Sex Pistols shook establishment Britain right down to its knickers over a red-hot stretch in the mid-to-late '70s. They howled, cursed, spat, fought, demolished, and defamed. They were the "Clockwork Orange" of punk, and the self-proclaimed anti-Christ anarchists who hated everything and everyone. They burned fast and burned hot, then (poof) went up in smoke. 

Anyway, that's my cherished memory, also the image preserved in some documentaries — like 2000's "The Filth and the Fury'" — and now in this six-part rockudrama. "Pistol" likewise seeks to recapture the filth and fury but settles for something a little more sanitized — the punk rock version, let's say, of afternoon tea and crumpets.

Is it "Pistol" or have we (of a certain age) grown so old that the Sex Pistols are now humdrum has-beens? In that long-ago red-hot moment, anyone with a pair of ears knew there were far better bands (Ramones) and talents (Patti Smith) while anyone with a subscription to Creem knew the punk scene in New York City was more vital. But the notion of the "British Invasion'' still held such powerful sway that if the Brits had it — whatever "it" was — then it must be good. In fact, "Pistol's" most watchable episode is the last, covering the band's first and (effectively) only U.S. tour which crashed and burned after the 1978 concert at San Francisco's Winterland.    

But what comes before is the humdrum — a whole listless swath that spreads over scenes, characters, and episodes. Hardly anyone catches fire, including Johnny Rotten, although his spiked red hair does do a good impression of shooting flames. 

Part of what goes wrong is the making-the-band variety of storytelling. Almost (note the word "almost") like the Monkees, the Pistols were essentially a marketing stunt. Talented rock impresario McLaren had accurately read the room, so to speak, and decided that England's disaffected young was ready for a much sharper-edged version of the punk that was coming out of CBGB. Talent and musicianship didn't matter. In fact, the less of that the better. The Pistols were all about attitude and noise, also eventually (regrettably) expectoration and vomit. 

Nihilism was both their medium and message, also, for the most part, the story of "Pistol." But as a famous mad king (Lear) once noted, nothing comes of nothing and nothing much comes of it here either.

BOTTOM LINE Warm tea, soggy crumpets and a whole lotta noise.