'Snowmageddon': The abominable snow movie

The package-receiving family must brainstorm a remedy, from sheriff dad (David Cubitt, "Medium") to helicopter pilot mom (Carolyn Adair) to weepy teen daughter (Magda Apanowicz, "Caprica") to figures-it-out kid (Dylan Matzke), with help from the town elder and erstwhile clock lord (Michael Hogan, "Battlestar Galactica").

The cliche-ridden plotting. The sluggish pacing. The banal dialogue. The indifferent acting. The confusing settings. (Bone-dry town at Christmas in Alaska?) The cheesy "disaster" dressing. (Exploded debris fields look more like careful craftsmanship than ongoing destruction.)

The convoluted ties to Pandora's box and other mythology. The tenuous ties to the yule season. The lame attempts at catchphrases. The seriously overpromising title.

And even though my screener disc didn't include their finished versions, I'm willing to guess the special effects and background music are laggards, too.