Take 5: Chestnuts from 'Parks' & Ron Swanson

When "Parks and Recreation" returns for its third season Thursday night (9:30 p.m., NBC/4), we'll get to experience once more the wit and wisdom of one of TV's most memorable characters, Ron Swanson (played by Nick Offerman), the grouchy, government-hating director of Pawnee, Ind.'s Department of P&R. Here are five memorable Swanson-isms from seasons past:

1. "My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke."

2. "I don't want this parks department to build any parks, because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese."

3. On his ex-wife: "Her birth was payback for the sins of man."

4. On hard work: "I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet-metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child-labor laws are ruining this country."

5. "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful."