Asking the clergy about unhappy people
Everyone has days when they feel blue. Most of the time, they can shake it off and continue with their week. But what if those feelings of hopelessness and despair won't go away? Our clergy shine light on ways to have a more satisfying life.
Rabbi Anchelle Perl, chaplain, Nassau County Correctional Center; rabbi, Chabad of Mineola:
Counseling in a correctional facility, I always have people who want to discuss unhappiness with their life, with their current situation. I have empathy and in no way make light of their physical location. But, their minds, their outlook and purpose can go beyond their four walls. I tell them to think long-term, to think outside the box. I encourage them to think in a transcendent way to help them deal with the day-to-day.
The same is true of someone outside a correctional facility. It is important for each of us to think good things, to allow in positive thoughts that can bring the right energy and blessings into your life.
Having a day when you feel unhappy is OK. Don't allow it to paralyze you and keep you from going forward in your life. We all have inside us a joyous soul. You have to remember that the unhappiness we feel is external. It will never impinge on that soul. The definition of happiness is to be happy with your lot in life at any given time.
Remember, light can come into your life in many ways: through a smile, through helping others. If all else fails, just push off thinking about the unhappy thing until late in the day so these thoughts don't spoil your day.
Samantha Tetro, Samantha's Lil Bit of Heaven, a nondenominational ministry, East Northport:
Most people look to the external to make them happy. The answer actually lies in the "eternal." Within each one of our hearts is a spiritual vacancy that only God can fill. Until we invite the Messiah to reside there, true happiness will be elusive.
When someone shares their feelings of unhappiness with me, I choose to encourage them and speak "life" to them. I will make every effort to help redirect their mindset (Philippians 4:8) from focusing on all that's wrong in their life (James 1:2) to being grateful for all that is right. God clearly states in his word that he created each one of us with a purpose and plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).
When we are not walking in our divine purpose, it can cause great unhappiness and frustration. I try to help them discover what their purpose is by asking them questions such as "What is your passion? What are your gifts? How can you use those gifts to help others?" Joy can come from stepping out of our situation and serving others. One of the best antidotes for unhappiness is choosing to be a blessing to someone else (Proverbs 11:25).
The Rev. David Sellery, rector, St. Peter's by the Sea Episcopal Church, Bay Shore:
The first thing I'd do is try to determine by listening to the person whether the unhappiness is situational or an overall unhappiness. If this unhappiness is related to something deeper, more painful, I'd speak with them about whether they feel their life has a purpose.
As has been proven repeatedly, a life spent relentlessly seeking pleasure and avoiding pain is a wasted, shallow life, full of frustration and destined for disappointment.
Lasting happiness is the byproduct of a good life, not the objective of life. And the keys to a good life are understanding who we are and why we are here. From my own faith tradition, the answers could not be plainer. We are beloved children of God, here to serve God in this life and be with him in the next. Christians, by definition, lead examined lives. Our clear purpose is to witness Christ's love in the world. Everything else is just stuff that gets in the way.
In Psalm 119, David prayed: "Keep me from paying attention to that which is worthless." Unhappiness comes from worthlessness. Happiness comes from getting a grip on our purpose, honestly comparing it with our practice and seeking God's will in all things. Gladly give each day to God, and he will fill it with happiness.
