It's a virtual dating game for Long Island singles practicing social distancing

Doug Kamak, 38, of Patchogue, met his girlfriend two months ago on the dating app Bumble. They’re still together, but recently he’s been spending a lot of time at home alone doing puzzles and watching TV.

Danielle Zaleskie, 26, of Glen Head, hopes to go on dates with two guys she's interested in, but she fears that might not happen until perhaps “May or June.”

Kofi Acheampong, 33, of Centereach, is in a “serious” relationship with his girlfriend who lives in Washington, D.C., but his recent Virgin Islands trip has left him self-quarantining.

These daters from Long Island are facing the same dilemma as others like them around the world: How to handle a romantic relationship during a coronavirus pandemic that can make holding hands with a date a health risk.

Authorities in the dating game say social distancing is ironically bringing up a heightened need in some people to be in a romantic relationship, while others have reduced contact with the object of their affection — to a point — and still some believe catching feelings for anyone right now isn’t worth catching a virus. But whatever one’s views on dating in this time, the authorities add, daters need to make their real No. 1 safety, and dating services are making changes to follow suit.

Dating turns virtual

Gail Adams, the founder of 7 in Heaven Singles, is among the Long Island operations turning in-person speed dating events into video-only experiences. Adams, of Lindenhurst, is now gathering groups together for blind video dates.

She recently started a “Quarantine Dating Game” played via Zoom, that is bringing old-fashioned dating back — literally. It’s based on the hugely popular “The Dating Game” show that originally aired in 1965, featuring a bachelor or bachelorette choosing a date from among three potential suitors who were hidden behind a wall while answering questions.

“I think people are lonely” when something catastrophic happens, “especially widows and people who are divorced,” Adams says. “If they don’t have children and they’re living alone, they can feel like they’re in total isolation.”

Zaleskie, a college administrative assistant, says she's been using FaceTime, Skype and web chats to keep in touch with men she met virtually. She says it will have to do for the time being for her when it comes to dating. “It can be a little difficult because I want to meet them now [in person] and I can’t,” Zaleskie says. 

Apps like NetflixParty — a Chrome extension that allows viewers in different locations to watch the same movie or show together — and others are also easing the burden on eager daters, offering other options to connect. Match site Dating.com also has tips on how to date virtually, including cooking the same meal via video chat. Bumble tells daters to avoid shaking hands if they decide to meet in person and to stay several feet apart.

Kamak, an audio technician who met his girlfriend on the dating app, says that although he can’t see her to take her out bowling as he used to do, he’s happy to have someone to get through this time with. “We do a lot of FaceTime, a lot of talking on the phone.”

A deeper connection

Being stuck in the house may boost the dating desire overall, some experts say. It can intensify the novelty of meeting new people and drive up dopamine in the brain to “prime them for love,” Helen Fisher says of people currently looking to find that special someone. The Manhattan-based biological anthropologist studies dating and the evolution of romantic love and has been an adviser to Match.com for 15 years.

“They’re not going out with friends. They’re not going to the gym,” she says. “They’re not doing a million other things. They now have time to talk to somebody and get to know them.” And Fisher says tensions heating up over the coronavirus can be an ice breaker of sorts — eliminating dating stumbling blocks such as who should pay for a date or when to get physical — allowing more meaningful connections to take hold. “People are going to talk much more candidly about their hopes and their fears, their disappointments,” Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute in Manhattan, adds. 

Jay Rosensweig, of Bayside, Queens, is founder of weekenddating.com, formerly Long Island Speed Dating LLC, says he's noticing a similar sense of willingness among local daters. He used to hold one-on-one in person speed dating events until social distancing became a thing.

“My income went to zero overnight,” Rosensweig says, “but I knew people would continue to want to find love.” He decided to offer virtual group speed dating using Zoom. He “spotlights” each participant for about five minutes by asking them questions, and the spectators can message Rosensweig to ask questions they would like to have answered. If two people are interested in each other, contact information is later exchanged.

“When things are done this way it’s [a connection] not 100 percent based on looks,” Rosensweig says. “You’re allowing personalities to come into play — it’s using my conversation with that person to bring out their personality.”

Keeping your dating distance?

Many Long Island daters say they are practicing social distancing with others, but some say when it comes to the person they’ve already started an in-person romantic relationship with, the commitment to the recommended practice dwindles.

Kamak says he believes in being careful, and sees his girlfriend now "maybe once a week" when he was used to seeing her almost every day. He adds, however, “Life is too short to worry about every last detail."

Acheampong, who works for T-Mobile and is a software engineering student at Hunter College, says he and his girlfriend “want to be together forever.” He adds, “If I have no symptoms and she has no symptoms I’m not going to stay away from her. That’s not life.”

There are the few others feeling put off by the health risk, so they've decided to put their love life on hold. Joanne Davila, a professor and associate director of clinical training in the psychology department at Stony Brook University, says, some people "are likely to be concerned about contracting the virus and trusting people to let them know whether they’re at risk.”

Emily Schrier, 27, a private elementary school teacher who lives in Plainview, says she's just going for forgo dating for now. "I've pulled back," she says. "It's just not safe ... and you're not going to go on a date and sit six feet away from someone."

With Matthew Chayes