A widow's Valentine tips for those coping with loss

The heart-shaped jewelry and heart-shaped candy boxes are joyful signs of a day made for lovers, but for some they only add to the pain of a broken heart.

For those mourning a spouse, Valentine's Day can be an especially hard time, says Joni James Aldrich, whose husband, Gordon, died in May 2006. Aldrich wrote about coping with her pain in her book "The Losing of Gordon: A Beacon Through the Storm Called Grief." She also offers some tips on her Web site, griefbeacon.com.

Those who are alone on Valentine's Day after years of celebrating with someone they loved will be in for a tough day. "The void that you feel can be overwhelming," Aldrich says.

For Aldrich, Valentine's is an especially difficult time because it is also the anniversary of her first date with her husband. "I had just gotten home from work at 3 in the morning, and he gave me this beautiful bunch of carnations," Aldrich says. "It was really something very special." She and Gordon were married for 22 years.

Aldrich has some advice for those facing a Valentine's Day without the love of their life.

Avoid restaurants "There are a lot of roses and lovers sitting around," she says. She advises ordering take out or cooking at home, but avoid preparing that meal special to you and your loved one.

Stay busy "Focus on the fact that it's a 24-hour period," she says. Perhaps schedule some time to visit with friends and family. And make sure you get out of the house. "Exercise is a great way to deal with the day," she says.

Deal with your feelings "It's OK to show emotions, but try not to have a pity party," she says.

Most of all, focus on your strengths, a support network of friends and family, even if they don't live nearby. If you're feeling down, give your loved ones a call.

"One thing that losing an important person in your life does is it makes you realize how important those other relationships are," Aldrich says. "And how important it is to tell your friends, your siblings, your children, your grandchildren that you love them."