Advice for the modern grandparent
Georgia Witkin, senior editor for grandparents.com and a professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Manhattan, has written "The Modern Grandparent's Handbook: The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting" (NAL, $15). Credit: Handout
In what seems like a flash, boomers have gone from the carefree Woodstock generation to caring for grandkids. And not surprisingly, they are doing it their way. While the game is the same, the rules have changed. No. 1 on the list for many a boomer granny: Don't call me granny.
"We feel like we're different, and that label is attached to someone older in our minds," says Georgia Witkin, senior editor for grandparents.com. In Witkin's case, her three grandsons call her "GG," for Grandma Georgia. Witkin, also a professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Manhattan, has written "The Modern Grandparent's Handbook: The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting" (NAL, $15).
Perhaps the biggest change is how boomer grandparents see themselves. Witkin notes that the average age for a first-time grandparent is 48. "Imagine what 48 was two generations ago compared to what 48 is now," she says. "Now 48 is a baby. You're just entering your second marriage, you're working out, you're getting tattoos, you're online."
In her book and online, she offers advice on how grandparents can avoid "guilt trips." For example, some grandparents worry about favoring one grandchild. Often, the favored child is the same sex as the grandparent or perhaps the first born. "It's really very natural," Witkin says. "It doesn't mean that child is loved more, it's just that's the one you enjoy hanging out with more."
And "hanging out" is one of Witkin's most important recommendations. "The more you do things with them rather than just supervise them or sending them out to play, the more memories you'll be creating," she says. "They will never remember all the laundry you did for them, but they will never forget the time you went in the pool with them or down the slide with them."
As for dealing with in-laws, there may be new rules, but it's the same old minefield. Witkin says when she holds an online chat with grandmothers, many grumble about their child's spouse -- usually the daughter-in-law. Common complaints are that the daughter-in-law allows her mother more access to the kids or that she easily gets annoyed with the mother-in-law.
"Anything the mother-in-law says is taken as criticism," Witkin says. "I think the No. 1 piece of advice I have is don't give advice, even when you're asked."
