Older Long Islanders act as kids' pals, comforters, mentors

Karen Terwilliger had envisioned filling her retirement years with travel and get-togethers with friends.

But when the Islip Terrace resident, who had taught kindergarten, sixth and fourth grades in the West Hempstead School District, retired in June 2020 after teaching for 34 years, “everything was closed” because of COVID-19, said Terwilliger, 57. “It was a scary time, and I felt like I was in a stagnant position.”

Excited when everyday life resumed, she wanted to use her teaching skills for a worthy cause — volunteering with children. At a friend’s suggestion, Terwilliger contacted the Smithtown office of the national organization AmeriCorps Seniors RSVP, which pairs people 55 years and older with volunteer work.

“Volunteering brings an emotion that makes you feel good,” she said.

Since June, under the supervision of staff professionals, she has been volunteering once a week, from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., in the Children’s Center  at the Cohalan Court Complex in Central Islip. While parents or caregivers attend to legal matters, the veteran educator engages and entertains their children with board games, puzzles, reading, dancing and drawing. The free program, funded by New York State Unified Court System and private donors, is open to people needing child care while in court, said Andrea Ramos-Topper, division director of Children’s Services at EAC Network, the nonprofit that operates the center.

“It’s right up my alley, because that’s what I did as a teacher,” said Terwilliger, who has three adult children. “I had really missed the interaction with youngsters and felt there was something missing in my retirement — which is why it’s so important for me to volunteer at a place where interaction could continue.”

Whether they’re retired or still working, many older Long Islanders are satisfying their philanthropic itch by giving their time and energy to children of all ages, from infants to teens. Drawing upon their parental, grandparental, professional and past volunteer experiences, as well as training provided by the nonprofits, seniors are making a difference as everything from mentors to baby cuddlers and in venues as varied as a hospital and homeless shelter.

“It’s a small thing that has tremendous impact that we can do as humans for another person,” said Brenda Jimenez, CEO of Manhattan-based Mentor New York, a statewide organization that provides services to Long Island nonprofit, private and public groups offering mentoring to people ages of 7 to 24.

Older adults can bring emotional stability and perspective to intergenerational relationships, according to a 2016 report, “Hidden in Plain Sight: How Intergenerational Relationships Can Transform Our Future.” These qualities, which strengthen with age, can help young people navigate daily challenges, noted the report, which was based on a 2014 conference convened by the David and Lucile Packard Foundation, Encore.org and the Stanford Center on Longevity.

Meanwhile, volunteering with young people can give older individuals a sense of “fulfillment and purpose,” said Yochai Shavit, director of research at the Stanford Center on Longevity. 

Plus, a relationship with an older volunteer, Shavit said, “can change the image of what it means to be old for younger kids and imbue it with a lot of positives,” like knowledge, patience and stability.

Mentoring to memorialize

Bayville resident Jim Giaccone, 61, described his experience as a mentor to two brothers as a “win-win” for all three of them.

The siblings’ father, Gregory Reda, who had been an executive of Marsh McLennan and worked on the 95th floor of the World Trade Center’s north tower, died in the 9/11 attacks — as did Giaccone’s brother Joe, who worked for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 103rd floor. Giaccone has shared his loss on the storytelling site themoth.org.

After “the fog of grief” began to lift in 2006, Giaccone volunteered as a mentor to pay tribute to his deceased brother, he said.

“My youngest was 16 years, and I saw that my own kids needed me less and less,” said Giaccone, who has three grown children and owns a Hicksville plumbing company. “I wanted to do something meaningful, and since my time is the most valuable commodity, I felt that if I donate my time, it would be more valuable.”

Through Tuesday’s Children, a nonprofit that runs adult and children’s programs for those affected by terrorism, military conflict or mass violence, Giaccone was paired with Nicholas Reda, then 8, and his brother, Matthew Reda, then 6.

“We did things that my brother and I liked to do together, so that a little bit of my brother was rubbing off on these boys,” said Giaccone, a longtime volunteer at the 9/11 Tribute Museum before it closed in September and who continues to volunteer as a guide at the 9/11 Memorial Plaza.

With his two mentees, Giaccone pursued activities including hiking Long Island trails, fishing and attending Islanders and Mets games. Giaccone also introduced Nicholas and Matthew to rocketry, a hobby he and his brother had enjoyed together.

“We built a hovercraft from a leaf blower, plywood and my wife’s low beach chair,” Giaccone said. That pastime became one of Matthew and Nicholas’ favorites, leading both to join their high school’s rocketry club.

“I’ve also tried to impart what my dad imparted on my brother and me, which was a sense of morals, values and dependability,” Giaccone said. “And if I told them I’d pick them up at 10 in the morning on Saturday, I’m there.”

Although Tuesday’s Children requires at least a yearlong voluntary commitment, with minimum visits of two days a month for four hours each, Giaccone sometimes spent as much as nine hours with the Redas in a single day, depending on the activity.

“They gave me the ability to have some sort of control, to do something to remember my brother and to keep my brother alive,” Giaccone said. “And driving home, you get that glow because you know you’re doing something good for someone else, and it’s therapeutic.”

The siblings’ mother, Nicole Reda, a New Hyde Park resident and speech language pathologist in a public school in Queens, said Giaccone has been a “positive role model” to her sons and given them “opportunities to experience fun.” As a result, he has become part of the family.

Today, Nicholas, 23, a Manhattan College graduate with a degree in mechanical engineering, serves as an assistant project manager for an HVAC installation firm, and Matthew, 21, is a senior at Syracuse University majoring in communications and rhetorical studies. The siblings and Giaccone keep in touch, and when their varied work and school schedules allow, the three get together for lunch or dinner.

For his part, Giaccone has been a mentor since last December to Andrew, 14. The teen’s father was an NYPD member who died two years ago from 9/11-related illnesses.

“My goal is still to pass on the same traits and qualities that my brother had,” Giaccone said.

Comforting babies

Nearly eight years ago, when John Daley, 76, retired as vice president and CFO of the Henry Luce Foundation in Manhattan, he knew exactly what he wanted to do next: hold babies.

“When you comfort the baby, the feeling you get is one of joy and contentment,” he said.

And after he volunteered in pediatric units at Cohen Children’s Medical Center and Winthrop Medical Center, Daley’s retirement wish came true in 2017 — when Cohen Children’s started a volunteer cuddler program in its neonatal intensive care unit.

Daley said he arrived at the NICU initiative with lots of experience with babies. The youngest of seven and an uncle at 8 years old, Daley had 31 nieces and nephews before he married in 1979. “I babysat for many of them when I was very young,” said the father of two sons, 37 and 40. 

Plus, when those boys were young and Daley's wife became president of a major corporate foundation, he cut his workweek to two days so he could be with the kids until the younger one was in kindergarten.

At Cohen Children’s NICU, Daley demonstrates his paternal skills twice a week, four hours a day. “I’m generally holding the baby when parents can’t be there,” he said.

Because infants often have a preferred cuddling position, Daley said, he usually takes a few minutes to figure out the best way to comfort them — whether holding them in his arms or on his shoulders or offering a pacifier — “if they can take one.”

“Most babies settle down right away, but those in pain can take a little longer,” he said. “And when they settle down, you know you’ve got the right formula.”

With his efforts not only helping the infants but easing the workload of the NICU nurses and the travails of the families “a bit,” Daley said, “I walk out feeling good.”

Promoting literacy

For Lystra Constantine-Gaddy, children are truly the future.

Since 2014, that sentiment has inspired the Wheatly Heights resident, a mother of three and grandmother of five, to volunteer on Saturdays in a summer literacy program called Reading ’Round the Plaza.

Designed to encourage kids to read during their two-month school break, the seasonal program takes place under an overhang, lined with mats, at Wyandanch Plaza. It is a joint effort of the Wyandanch Plaza Association and Mothers for Change, a civil rights and social action organization, of which Constantine-Gaddy is vice president and treasurer.

As part of the program this past summer, Constantine-Gaddy led a group of fifth-graders, whom she encouraged to read aloud in front of their peers.

“It gives that child who is shy the ability to shine,” said Constantine-Gaddy, 64. While actively involved in volunteer organizations, including the Mothers Club of Wheatley Heights, a civic group, she works full-time as administrator of the Wyandanch-Wheatley Heights Ambulance Corp.

For the past seven years, Constantine-Gaddy has also volunteered in a children’s literacy program run by the Family Service League at a homeless shelter in Suffolk County. Every two weeks, for one hour in the early evening, she reads with the residence’s children in grades three to six.

“I believe that if you just help one person, that’s good,” she said.