Pandemic shuffles Long Islanders' 'bucket lists'

After Stanley Clayton suffered medical challenges over an 18-month period, including getting COVID-19 after brain tumor surgery, he became ever-determined  to achieve a longtime objective: to pay his bills without financial angst.

So, when the Amityville resident returned to work in Babylon Town’s Department of Environmental Control after a more than six-month convalescence, he pursued all overtime opportunities and willingly did tasks below his pay grade, such as driving a truck and operating construction equipment. As a result, Clayton was promoted from labor crew leader, or foreman, to sanitation site crew leader, with responsibility for overseeing landfill operations.

In the higher-paying position, Clayton said he is now closer to getting his finances in order.

“Because of the pandemic, I became more focused on accomplishing this goal,” said Clayton, 57, who, a year after his bout with COVID-19, was in a car crash that caused internal injuries and shattered bones.

Having had one hip replaced (and needing another), Clayton has become an avid cyclist to achieve other significant goals: rehabilitating his knee and new hip, and shedding 75 pounds he gained while convalescing, as well as 25 more. So far, he has dropped 44 pounds.

Describing himself as someone who doesn’t yearn to travel for the sake of seeing the world, he is keen to visit Georgia next summer to finally meet an uncle, four aunts and a great-great aunt. He hadn’t known they existed until two half-sisters — whom his father had never mentioned to him — knocked on Clayton’s door on his 40th birthday to introduce themselves.

“They filled a void because I never had family, and they opened the gateway to my father’s side,” Clayton said.

In the coming months, he wants to accomplish still another item on his agenda — a cruise with his wife to show gratitude for her support “during the stuff I’ve been through,” he said.

Living the 'bucket list'

Two years after COVID-19 surfaced, many older Long Islanders are subscribing to the “now or never” philosophy of life and adding, deleting and reprioritizing the travel and activities they want to accomplish before they die.

Together, these goals form a “bucket list,” a phrase that entered the vernacular 15 years ago with the film “The Bucket List,” starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. The movie focuses on the escapades of two older men who have a fatal illness and decide that before they “kick the bucket,” they want to experience certain things, like flying over the North Pole.

In the pre-pandemic era, the bucket lists of many older Long Islanders contained exotic trips and daring experiences — dreams that subsequently took a backseat to staying safe from COVID-19.

And while vaccinations have made older adults less anxious about dining out and visiting family and friends, the lingering pandemic has prompted some to take a wait-and-see approach before indulging in travel to new places. In the meantime, their bucket lists have prioritized career advancement and healthy regimens, transforming them into an agenda for the here-and-now — kind of a "bucket life."

According to a Stanford Medicine study on bucket lists that surveyed more than 3,000 people between 2015 and 2016, a person’s age influences the types of things they want to accomplish before they die.

Published in the 2018 Journal of Palliative Medicine article “Common Themes in a Bucket List,” the research found that college-educated women’s bucket lists were most likely to include travel, while unmarried men 65 years and over were least likely to mention it. Both male and female participants 63 years and older were most likely to want quality time with their family and friends. And while financial security represented a desire of 16% of all participants, the article reported, African Americans were most likely to list this objective compared with other racial and ethnic groups.

Paul Irving, a distinguished scholar at the University of Southern California Leonard Davis School of Gerontology in Los Angeles, said he has “mixed feelings” about bucket lists.

“A bucket list of desired accomplishments can help older adults identify aspirations, challenges and goals that push us to act,” but it can also be frustrating for those “with a lack of ability to accomplish them,” said Irving, who is also a senior fellow at the Santa Monica-based Milken Institute and founder and former president of its Center for the Future of Aging.

Plus, by concentrating on their bucket, he said, people risk “ignoring opportunities” that present themselves, thus limiting their openness to unanticipated, life-enriching experiences. “There is something special about serendipity and the opportunities that may be hard to imagine or plan for,” Irving said.

The play’s the thing

Along those lines, Steven Brustien, 61, has long been attracted to acting, and back in the 1980s, his appearances in a couple of commercials got him membership in the Screen Actors Guild. But, recognizing the difficulty of breaking into showbiz, Brustien pursued other work in fields as diverse as the real estate and restaurant industries.

“I was still searching for the right fit,” said Brustien, who lives in Manhasset.

In 1988, his search seemed over. He got a job as a gofer on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. He was promoted over time, eventually becoming a floor official. In 2002, Brustien started his own operation as a trader’s trader, executing orders for institutional clients. But in 2008, automation ended his 20-year Wall Street career, which had culminated in Brustien leasing a seat on the Exchange. Two years later, he purchased a cafeteria in a Garden City office building that he ran for three years.

During that period, he had time to rekindle his passion for performing and began participating in community theater productions, including the comedy “Boeing, Boeing” in January 2020 at Star Playhouse at the Suffolk Y JCC in Commack.

In 2014, Brustien started his current venture, a credit card-processing business. And between 2017 and 2021, Brustien was the director of business development for a prosthetics and orthotics company, conducting sales and follow-up visits to doctors’ offices, hospitals and nursing homes to meet with staff and patients. Last year, after being enveloped in the pandemic’s day-to-day sadness, Brustien enthusiastically left that job when   a big break came along — the role of attorney Stan Fields in the touring company of the Broadway hit “Tootsie.” The 9½-month tour played in 32 cities, from Buffalo to San Diego. 

“At my age, I didn’t know if I would have the opportunity to do something that I absolutely adore, and although I loved the co-workers and clients [in the orthotic and prosthetic industry], I saw the pandemic’s horrors on a somewhat regular basis, and it gives you a perspective of not knowing what the next day will bring,” Brustien said. “I didn’t want to miss this opportunity.”

Despite his fulfilling theatrical experience, Brustien declined to reprise his role in another tour of “Tootsie” because of the long stretches away from home. During his absence, his wife, an oncology nurse, pitched in on occasion to keep his credit card business running smoothly. Still, he has no plans to take a 9-to-5 job again and wants to focus on professional acting gigs — while running his credit card operation. 

“Now, as I audition for jobs in television, film and commercials, my ultimate goal is to get to Broadway one day,” he said.

From maritime to meals

Ann Sanborn’s abiding passion for travel powered her career as a mariner. She worked on everything from tankers to tugs and a seismic research ship, sailing to such distant places as Africa, the Persian Gulf and the Arctic Circle. In 1988, Sanborn was the first woman in the United States to captain a merchant ship larger than a football field and with more than 10,000 gross tons. She’s also a lawyer who has taught law and navigation at the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy in Kings Point.

Sanborn, 68, wanted to continue to navigate the world during her retirement. “Give me a sleeping bag, a backpack and change of underwear, and I’m good to go,” she said.

But by the time the Central Islip resident retired at the end of 2020 —  following unpredictable COVID-triggered border closings — she had decided to delay travel “until it was safe” to do so, she said.

With type 2 diabetes since 2009, Sanborn instead reshuffled her bucket list to make healthy cooking a top priority for herself and, through charitable organizations, to prepare meals for people who have lost their homes due to floods and fire. She also wants to teach classes on healthy cooking — “as a hobby business.”

Last year, after getting her COVID-19 vaccinations, she began journeying toward her multifaceted bucket list with classes at the Institute of Culinary Education in Manhattan. Since then, Sanborn has completed its Health-Supportive Culinary Arts program, with an externship at Tula Kitchen in Bay Shore, and Artisan Bread Baking course. In September, she started giving cooking lessons to her personal trainer, Steve Goodkin, in his Jericho home, including showing him how to cut vegetables and roll dough for a quiche.

But as she makes inroads in her new goals, Sanborn hasn’t given up on her love of travel. She hopes to go backpack hiking next year in the Andes.

“What I like about my new [health-focused] bucket list is its value to me and others and the flexibility it gives me to go to the places in the world I haven’t been to yet and return home to something that’s meaningful,” Sanborn said.

 A philanthropic focus

When the pandemic hit, Brightwaters resident Tricia Daley-Bowles, who has a doctorate in information and computer science for medical research, also realigned her life’s goals. Her desire to travel far and wide with her husband moved to the sidelines for the foreseeable future.

Instead, Daley-Bowles made career advancement among her immediate top objectives. And in 2021, the Syosset native got a “bump up” in her career — from research committees manager at the U.S. Veterans Health Administration in the Bronx to research and development health science officer for the VA New York Harbor Healthcare System in Manhattan.

“I feel that I’m able to contribute more to the needs of research investigators who are actively working on the development of vaccines and other treatment for medical conditions that affect veterans,” said Daley-Bowles, 52, who oversees research operations of more than 70 investigators.

In October, she also checked off another bucket item — admission into an online doctorate program in health care administration at Virginia University of Lynchburg. Her studies start in January, Daley-Bowles said, and are part of her ongoing career development objectives.

At the same time, Daley-Bowles is pursuing a host of pandemic-triggered philanthropic goals as president of the Suffolk County Section of the National Council of Negro Women and as a member of organizations including the Suffolk chapter of the National Coalition of 100 Black Women.

Her recent efforts encompass helping to fundraise for college scholarships and hosting the National Council of Negro Women in her home to collate a health journal for the Eastern Farm Workers Association that promotes vaccines. 

Meanwhile, Daley-Bowles remains intent upon realizing a personal item in 2024: returning to Disney World, where she was married 13 years ago, for a 15th anniversary dinner at Cinderella’s Castle.

“It’s always nice to revisit that magical place,” Daley-Bowles said.