To dye for! Confronting the gray

To dye or not to dye?

It's a question we asked readers, who responded to our query with humor, strong opinions and honesty. Of course, there's no right or wrong answer, but it's reassuring that we have choices and that our readers are happy doing what's right for them. Here are some responses:  

In darker days
Ruth Greenstein, Roslyn Heights
If memory serves me right, my birth certificate says, "Hair dark, eyes blue." In my 20s, after seeing Liz Taylor in a movie, I dyed my hair "jet black." Sometime in my 30s, I fell in love with Rita Hayworth's dark auburn hair in "Gilda." I was now a redhead with blue eyes - however, the resemblance between me and "Gilda" ended there.

One day Marilyn Monroe hit the screen in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and yes, I went "platinum." If it is true that blondes have more fun, it was evident that I was not the right shade.

My driver's license took a beating in the hair color box over the years. Somewhere between menopause and my first Social Security check, I went au naturel. I am now a "gray-white"-haired lady. I feel free and at times, I even love it, but only after a Cosmopolitan or two. However, "Dye dies hard," because from time to time, I find myself in the hair color aisle of my local pharmacy, and I hear a little voice saying, "Isn't this Jennifer Aniston's hair shade?"

A surprise blonde
Lucia Chico, Mineola
I decided years ago on a spur of the moment to have my hair dyed. I was tired of being brunette and decided I would like to be a blonde. I did not mention the news to my husband and 6-year-old son.

Off I went to the salon for my big beauty treatment. I thought after the dye job I looked so beautiful as a blonde. At home I sailed through the door with my head held high. My son took one look at me and blurted out, "Mommy, you look just like George Washington!" At least if he had said Martha Washington I would not have felt so bad!

I returned the next day to have it toned down a bit, and it was acceptable to my son.

Roots use to scare me
Valerie Priger Skelly
Every time I'd make the decision to stop coloring my hair, I'd get a month into it and be horrified at the disorder that was on my head. The gray roots and red strands below were clown-laughable. With my colorist's blessing, it was back to covering the gray.

But my fate was decided for me on an icy January day in 2005. I slipped and broke my ankle. In bed with a cast to my knee, I couldn't drive. By the time my ankle healed, my first trip was to the beauty salon to have my hair cut short.

I love my hair now, gray with white highlights. I am no longer shocked when I look in the mirror and see my mother staring back at me.

I don't turn many heads these days, but people are kind to a gray-haired lady. Doors are held open, cars slow down while I cross the street. Strangers reach up for items on shelves. It's five years now and I'm used to the perks. I can't imagine going back.

The barber did it
Catherine J. Burch
When my husband was in the hospital, I was visiting every day for four weeks. At one point, I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair needed a good cutting and my box of Natural Instincts. I decided to go to Oscar, our barber in Northport and said, "Just cut it short as always but this time, just a little more off the top and sides."

My friends love it, and I almost still hate it. I just need a new wardrobe -- new colors. New makeup. It's a new me! (Now I don't have to use my Maybelline Mascara for quick touch-ups anymore.)

Loving Lucy's color
Lorraine Colombo, Centereach
As the grays started to pop out in my 50s I felt that my hair was not matching my young attitude! Since I was a redhead as a child I decided to try henna. It is natural, and if it was good enough for Cleopatra and Lucille Ball, it was good enough for me!

I always get compliments, and I still have my full crowning glory since henna does not have chemicals. I have the best of both worlds, no gray and no dye!

Happy and dye-free
Rhoda Nichter, Plainview
The original color of my hair was blue-black, like my father's. When his hair started turning gray, it was pepper and salt, and now, at age 84, white. My own white hair lends an air of maturity and credibility to my work as a smoking cessation specialist at St. Francis Hospital. I am happy with my hair and the freedom from touch ups.

Beware what is 'safe'
Stephanie Costanzo, Port Jefferson
Several years ago I went to a colorist. I asked if they could make my color as attractive and natural looking as possible using "safe" dye products. They assured me that all was "safe." It was not. My scalp felt as though it was on fire, there were large welts on my head and I developed a fever. My doctor searched online and determined that hair dye ingredients were the problem.

I switched to another salon known for its formaldehyde-free products and ammonia-free hair color. I felt as a ballroom dance instructor I needed to color my hair to look more youthful. My new hair salon, Salon Bliss in Port Jefferson Station, has been excellent. I was impressed to discover that many of their clients are cancer survivors.

Set free to vacation
Jean Blakeslee, Lake Havasu City, Ariz.
About 11 years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer. Frustrated with the increasing amount of coarse, white hair that was popping up all over my head, I decided to dye my hair in lieu of getting highlights.

After my diagnosis, I received chemo and radiation. When treatment was completed, I decided that I did not want any chemicals going into my scalp. I went for a short haircut and let the hair grow in naturally, a beautiful blond-white color. It was such a freeing experience. I took the money that I saved on coloring and went on a vacation.

Now, I often look in the mirror and wonder what I would look like as a redhead or brunette, but then when I realize the slave I would become and how I would not feel like it was part of my healthy lifestyle, I am very happy with the decision to go au naturel.

I wasn't ready tto end on a gray note
Anita Luft, Plainview
When I retired I let my hair go gray and indulged in a period of longing for days gone by. Grown children and retirement meant the loss of days structured by responsibilities and built-in socializing.

Enough, I told myself. A fan of pop psychology, I knew a trick or two to sweeten my mood. I walked in the sunshine, learned to play bridge, and had my hair dyed a warm brown.

I have emerged from my gray days into the glorious life I have created for myself. When I see my glistening brown hair in the mirror I feel like a college coed with a sparkling palette of choices that include theater, dance lessons, tennis and book clubs. Finally, I have the pleasure of asking myself what I would like to do and how I would like to look.

Looking your best is key
Phyllis Weinberger, North Woodmere
Why would anyone want to look older if a simple color treatment will make you look great? My friend Dennis (in Cedarhurst) is my lifeline to looking my best. A client of his for 12 years, I would not be myself without him. He mixes the perfect potion of color, and, in 30 minutes, I'm revitalized.

Not coloring your hair in 2010 is as outdated as not wearing make up. You're sending out a message, but it's the wrong one. Take advantage of all the great products out there and dye your hair!

A Pandora's box
Doreen R. Burnston, Westbury
As I entered my early 40s, little white hairs speckled my brown mane. For a year before my daughter's wedding, I worked with a hairdresser on how I wanted to look. I was very thin, and allowed her to dye my hair jet black. I really looked super for the wedding!

But once you start dyeing your hair, you open a Pandora's box. As the hair grows, roots show and then the gray strands become resilient to the dyes. Now, the color would come out much darker than the shade on the box. I started using lighter shades and eventually ended up a golden blonde.

I used to laugh at my mother and her vanity about her hair. She'd say she needed a dye job, and I couldn't imagine anyone becoming so obsessed with their hair. But here I am, not only dyeing my hair but becoming a rainbow of colors. If I leave nature to her job, I could add one more color to the list: gray. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet.