Is there a bully in your life? For many students on Long Island, the answer is a resounding, Yes.Old-fashioned bullies havent gone away. Theyre still in the schoolyard, the bus, the locker room. Now, theyre also on the Internet.Bullying comes in many forms: taunting, criticizing, physically intimidating, shoving, name-calling in person or online. It is stubborn and difficult to control. As one principal on Long Island observed: Anyone who tells you they can eliminate it is dishonest. The key is to minimize it and effectively address it when it does occur. While efforts are beginning to pay off, with fewer intimidation incidents overall reported to the state from Long Island in the past few years, for some youngsters, bullying continues in classrooms and after the school day ends.In their own words, four Long Island students tell Newsdays Carol Polsky about their experiences being bullied.

Long Island

Education

ny-bullyingpack

JAKE ALEXANDER, a freshman at Long Beach High School, said he's been harassed at school since moving from <a href="/topics/Delaware">Delaware</a> two years ago. 
His parents have gone to the school and talked with principals, counselors and deans. "They tell us they investigate every incident that's brought to their attention and if they can't prove it they can't do anything," said Jake's father, <a href="/topics/Christopher_Alexander">Christopher Alexander</a>. His mother Leigh said her son recently developed stress-related cardiac issues. 
Honestly, it seemed like when I moved to New York, school was just hell. Kids would do it and do it and get detention. Then their friends would do what the other did. It was almost like a virus getting passed from one friend to the next. They don't care if they get in trouble. 
They would come up to me and push me, and throw stuff at me - a coffee cup with a little bit of coffee in it, an agenda book, a test book, dirty rags. I've been smacked in the face with a thrown quarter, paper balls, bottles of water. When they were all leaving the bus, each one of them got something and as they were walking by my chair they were throwing it at me. 
[One kid] . . . was suspended for throwing a pen, paper and rubber bands at my head. I've never actually been hit, though they've pushed. If I see somebody about to hit me, I just run away. I've never been in a fight, and I don't want to be. 
There have been some kids who are really popular who say stuff to me: "You're a hillbilly," or "You're a fag." 
This week in the science classroom, [a boy] . . . was making remarks when I walked in, then the teacher was pulling him outside and then a girl came over and kicked me, and I just left the classroom, I was done . . . the teacher wanted to bring us all out and talk it out and I said it wasn't the first time she's done this - the day before she got kicked out of class for calling me a snitch - and I said I'm not taking this crap and went to the dean's [office]. 
&nbsp; 
LONG BEACH SAYS: School officials don't comment on specific cases, but Jake's father said the school has assigned a security guard to shadow Jake at school.

Nassau

LIJAKE14

Bullied Long Beach teen: 'School was just hell'

MARIA KRZEMINSKI, a Long Beach High School sophomore, said she's been bullied by the same group of girls since eighth grade. Her parents, George and Shelley, said a school psychologist had asked teachers to keep an eye on Maria, but the bullying has continued. 
&nbsp; 
For about two years I've been getting bullied. One girl tried to push me down the stairs, another girl threw paper balls at me in class. In the bathroom, she was making animal noises as another girl was laughing. I've known them since middle school and probably eight girls are involved. 
Some are popular, some are not particularly . . . there are a few followers who are just there and keep their mouths shut. I feel nervous and scared. 
If I do run into them, they start a whole thing. They say stuff and they laugh. I just go a different way. 
I'm in special ed, and in the beginning of the year I switched into a regular class. I found the main bully was in my class and started throwing paper balls at me, making animal noises of cows and cats. The next day she was doing it again and the teacher said, "Do you want to go to the dean?" I told the deans what happened and they said, "We'll speak to her." They've talked to her, but she doesn't care. . . . I asked my mom the other day to let me be homeschooled, but she doesn't have time for that. 
I feel like my life has been taken over. I don't really eat, I have been really down and upset and crying - all because of bullying. So if you see anyone getting bullied, try helping and make it stop. 
[Jake Alexander and I] are starting a bullying club. We ordered the rubber band bracelets. Honestly we're just starting, and I'm not sure how it's going to go. We have to get someone 18 and older to help us so we can rent out a room, to hold a forum in the public library. 
&nbsp; 
LONG BEACH SAYS: While noting he cannot comment on specific allegations, Principal Gaurav Passi said school policy includes mediating conflicts and progressively adding more severe consequences for bullying, from verbal warnings to detention, suspension, parental conferences and counseling. "We just keep upping the ante, upping the pressure," he said. "The goal is to have the student change their behavior."

LIMARI14

Girls have bullied sophomore since 8th grade

GAVIN INGRAM attended fourth grade at Longwood Central School District's Ridge Elementary School until October. 
That's when his mother, Christina, withdrew him and his younger sister, after becoming angry at what she saw as Longwood officials' failure to stop the repeated bullying of her children on their school bus. 
She is planning on moving so that her children can go back to school in a different district. She is considering legal action and wants a law requiring working cameras on school buses. 
It's pretty much one kid. He'd call me "Gay-vin." He thinks I look like <a href="/topics/Justin_Bieber">Justin Bieber</a>. He doesn't like <a href="/topics/Justin_Bieber">Justin Bieber</a>. I was mad. He's been doing this for three years maybe. 
I really want him to stop, and I tell him and he never does. He pushes me sometimes. 
I made this bracelet, and he broke it on me. He grabbed the bracelet, and I tried to pull it back and it broke. 
Sometimes I try to ignore it. Sometimes he doesn't even do anything to me, and sometimes when I'm talking to other people he calls me Gay-vin, and I'll say something and he'll say it's stupid. When kids are talking I'll start talking to them and he thinks everything I talk about is really dumb. 
I don't like going on the bus, pretty much because of the bullying. I have some friends on the bus. One friend tells him to stop and everything and he does sometimes. 
I'm kind of glad [not to be going to school] because then I don't have to be bullied by him. 
&nbsp; 
WHAT LONGWOOD SAYS: District Board of Education president Michael Loguercio Jr. said the district takes "bullying extremely seriously at all levels, and includes verbal, physical and cyberbullying." Teachers undergo anti-bullying training, and school programs such as the elementary level TRUTH, or Tolerance, Respect, Understanding, Teamwork, Harmony, Program reinforced values. While each instance of bullying reported at schools was "looked into and responded to," the district tried to prevent bullying proactively through education, he said.

Suffolk

LIGAVI14

Mom takes son, 9, out of school because of bullies

SAM VILLANUEVA, a Brentwood High School junior, keeps his hair long, plays rock guitar and skateboards. He has a girlfriend but says he's been bullied since the ninth grade by boys who think his choices in dress and in friends are "gay." 
&nbsp; 
They try acting like they're so manly or so tough, and I'm so weak. They always make fun of me and I don't understand it. I'm bigger than some of them, but because I hang around a lot of girls and am accepting of gay people, they make fun of me. . . . Everyone bullies the gays. It goes with the stereotyping; just because someone behaves a certain way they automatically believe that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual. A lot of people are accepting, but a lot of people are ignorant and jerks about it. 
It annoys and upsets me to a certain point because I'm not going to try proving to them I'm straight because I don't have to. They'll say, "Dude, why are you wearing purple skinny jeans? They're gay," and I say, "It's just my fashion, it's just the way I like to dress." 
It's mostly toward the beginning or end of class. I don't really talk back too much because I feel there's no point to it. I feel the people are too ignorant to understand or know what I have to say. 
The teachers there are pretty accepting of every kid, but I don't feel like going to a teacher because that would just give them more of a motive to make fun of me, so I feel like I have take it. 
Sometimes I'll get in an argument, mostly insulting back and forth. They never give up unless the teacher stops us. One teacher actually one time pulled aside the kid and said, "You keep talking that way, I'll have to take you out of the class. In this class you talk with respect." The kid just sat down and for the rest of that day he left me alone. But his friends still make fun of me in that class. . . . It's annoying how I constantly have to deal with it when I don't understand their reason or purpose in doing that. 
&nbsp; 
WHAT BRENTWOOD SAYS:Principal Richard Loeschner said that any case involving sustained bullying is "extremely troubling," and that he hoped adults had been informed and given the chance to intervene. "I can't say that every kid feels completely safe, but the staff here is sensitive to it, we talk about it, listen to cues. I would be shocked if things were going on in front of a staff member who looked the other way. Our staff members don't look the other way." 
The school has brought in several lecturers and held programs on tolerance and homophobia, including a day of workshops by the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth organization early this month. Some students and a faculty adviser are forming an anti-bullying club campaign to raise awareness, as well.

LISAMV14

Brentwood teen's fashion choices draw bullies

Being bullied has become a way of life for some students on Long Island, as much a part of their daily lives in school as lunch periods or history class. And it's also invading their cyber lives. 
The <a href="/topics/Suffolk_County%2C_NY">Suffolk</a> County district attorney's office recently formed a four-person unit to deal with cyberbullying crimes, and <a href="/topics/Nassau_County%2C_NY">Nassau</a> prosecutors are sponsoring a conference on bullying and Internet safety next month. <a href="/topics/Suffolk_County%2C_NY">Suffolk</a> was the first county in the state to enact legislation this spring specifically making cyberbullying a misdemeanor. 
Its sponsor, Legis. Jon Cooper (D-<a href="/topics/Lloyd_Harbor%2C_NY">Lloyd Harbor</a>) submitted another bill that would have held school officials civilly liable for failing to address bullying, but withdrew it in favor of the state's new Dignity for All Students Act that forces districts to address bullying. Saying he had received at least 150 calls from families who said their children had been bullied, Cooper called the problem "an epidemic in our schools and communities." 
Nationally, the U.S. Department of Education in October warned districts that failure to address bullying based on sexual orientation or religion could violate civil rights statutes and result in a loss of federal funds. 
Many school administrators say they are trying new approaches that go beyond detention and suspension, counseling and cajoling. They range from character education lessons, workshops on homophobia and cyberbullying to assemblies with guest speakers, forums, seminars and special events. 
Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth has held workshops in 100 of Long Island's 124 school districts. The nonprofit Child Abuse Prevention Services said requests for its classroom workshops on bullying have risen sharply this school year. 
But still, bullying persists. 
"Anyone who tells you they can eliminate it is dishonest," said <a href="/topics/Garden_City%2C_NY">Garden City</a> Middle School Principal Peter Osroff. "The key is to minimize it and effectively address it when it does occur." 
&nbsp; 
Complaining may not work 
Targeted youngsters may be victimized for years, despite complaints to schools, parents say. 
<a href="/topics/Christopher_Alexander">Christopher Alexander</a>, a resident physician in family practice, said his son Jake has been bullied by groups of students at <a href="/topics/Long_Beach%2C_NY">Long Beach</a> High School since the family moved from <a href="/topics/Delaware">Delaware</a> two years ago. "They call him a hick and a hillbilly," <a href="/topics/Christopher_Alexander">Alexander</a> said. "His grades started dropping, and he spent all of last year at lunch in the cafeteria with his head down so he didn't have to interact with anybody. This year it's gotten worse, he gets harassed by the same group of kids every day." 
Some educators say that nothing short of schoolwide culture change - and schoolwide training and vigilance - reduces bullying. 
"It's about time schools were held more accountable for it," Osroff said. "I'm not a big believer in just bringing in special speakers or events; it's about changing the culture and what we are doing day by day within the schools in every classroom, every day." 
There's evidence that such efforts have made a difference. In the 2008-2009 school year, Long Island school districts reported 3,023 incidents of "intimidation, harassment, menacing or bullying" to the state, an 11 percent drop from 2006. But those don't include off-campus incidents such as cyberbullying, for which there's no reliable count. 
<a href="/topics/Garden_City%2C_NY">Garden City</a> Middle School, among others on Long Island, started staff training modeled on the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, one of only a handful of programs cited by federal authorities as effective in reducing bullying. Two staffers at the Long Island Network of Community Services in <a href="/topics/Hauppauge%2C_NY">Hauppauge</a> recently became trained in the Olweus program, which provides a blueprint for school staff to recognize and intervene in bullying while moving students from bystander to "resister, defender, witness." 
"It is not a quick fix; a school has to make a commitment to implement with fidelity," said Marlene Snyder of the Institute on Family &amp; Neighborhood Life at <a href="/topics/Clemson_University">Clemson University</a>, where the program, now in more than 7,000 schools nationwide, is based. 
&nbsp; 
Emotional connections 
One approach gaining traction in schools tries to prevent bullying by teaching empathy and social skills. The <a href="/topics/Oceanside%2C_NY">Oceanside</a> School District, for example, has begun to use a social and emotional literacy program to help staff and students "get in touch with emotions and deal with them in a more positive way than bullying," according to district Superintendent Herb R. Brown. Suspended students spend the day in an off-site facility to study and meet with psychologists. 
Heidi Birr, a sixth-grade social studies teacher in <a href="/topics/West_Babylon%2C_NY">West Babylon</a> and co-chair of her school's committee on character education, said if younger students were taught positive behavior, "hopefully in another five years, maybe there will be less bullying." 
Jane Riese, Olweus's director of training, said ultimate responsibility for reducing bullying rests with adults. And adults, she said, often fail to recognize and intervene in bullying behavior. 
Wes Nemenz, safe schools coordinator at the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth advocacy group in <a href="/topics/Bay_Shore%2C_NY">Bay Shore</a>, said he hears from faculty in training workshops that they don't know what to say to stop hurtful language. 
Mark, a teen at <a href="/topics/William_Floyd">William Floyd</a> High School in <a href="/topics/Mastic_Beach%2C_NY">Mastic Beach</a> who has not told his family or school friends that he's gay, said he's been teased since middle school, even before he understood he was gay. He's frequently been called names, pushed and laughed at by numerous students, often in groups, he said. But teachers in hallways and classrooms usually either fail to notice the bullying or ignore it, he said. 
He once told an adult at the school what was taking place, he said. "She said she'd talk to administrators, but I never got called in the office or anything like that," he said. 
Mark wants teachers to speak out to defend him and the bullying to stop. 
"I just want to be in school," he said. "I don't want to be there and all day have people calling me names and pushing me." 
Paul Casciano, <a href="/topics/William_Floyd">William Floyd</a> School District superintendent, encouraged students to be persistent in reporting bullying so the school could act on it. 
"Certainly students have to be comfortable coming forward and they have to have an adult in the building they feel comfortable coming to," he said."It is complex and challenging, and every person has a different level of confidence." 
The school, he said, conducts programs to promote tolerance, has a hotline for reporting bullying and believes the school has an accepting atmosphere. "I don't think this incident is characteristic of the level of acceptance at the high school," he said. 
Mostly, students want others to speak up. Cat Kryjak, 16, a lesbian student at <a href="/topics/West_Babylon%2C_NY">West Babylon</a> High, said she wasn't bullied, but objected to the reluctance of a teacher, whose office was labeled a safe zone for gay students, to chide students who mockingly pretended to be gay. "You have the safe zone up, how about you actually make me feel safe?" she said.

LIBULL14

Public officials seek ways to stop school bullying

liBULL

Do something kind each day. Don't stand by and watch someone be bullied. Get help from others. 
Those are three of the simple measures in a broad program at Garden City Middle School, one that trains teachers and involves students in an effort to cut down on bullying by bringing it out in the open. Here's alook at how it works: 
The eighth-grader at Garden City Middle School said, yes, she'd seen bullying there. Several times a popular school athlete bullied a smaller, scared boy in the lunchroom. 
"My friends said, 'Did you hear what he said? He called him stupid,' " she recalled. "The lunch monitors told him, 'Go back to your seat and cut it out.' " 
The eighth-grader said she would be afraid to confront a popular kid or tell an adult about the bullying, but said another student did bring it up in a discussion on bullying held each week in homeroom. 
"We talked about it, and the leader of the group said how to stop it," she said. 
The discussion groups are part of the school's anti-bullying program, one of dozens of programs by <a href="/topics/Long_Island%2C_NY">Long Island</a> school districts determined to reduce bullying, which can involve physical, emotional or verbal abuse. Every person in the school is trained to recognize and act upon instances of bullying, said Principal Peter Osroff. 
Students sign contracts pledging not to bully and to help others who are left out or bullied. Many students are active in groups like the Anti-Bullying Club and the daily Act of Kindness Challenge. Student Leadership members take anti-bullying coordinator Kimberly Greenwald's lesson plans on topics like Diversity and Acceptance and Cyber-Bullying back to their classrooms. And students learn to stop bullying by distracting the bully, defusing the situation with humor, enlisting help and supporting the victim. 
"Before I wouldn't want to get involved because I thought it would affect me, too. Now I'm different," said Jenna Shipley, 12, recounting how she'd helped a boy being bullied on the school bus. 
And when a classmate was being bullied at a locker, seventh-grader Yianni Flouskakos went into action. 
"I stood next to the victim and supported him, I changed the subject with the bully and asked him about the test we'd just taken and then I walked away with the victim. He thanked me a lot." 
And now, Yianni said, the boy who had been bullied "is also participating in the anti-bullying programs."

LISKUL14

Garden City school battles bullying

<a href="http://capsli.org/">capsli.org</a>:&nbsp;Bully Prevention Center, Child Abuse Prevention Services, <a href="/topics/Roslyn%2C_NY">Roslyn</a> 
<a href="http://realpsychology.com/">realpsychology.com</a>:&nbsp;<a href="/topics/Port_Washington%2C_NY">Port Washington</a> psychologist Susan Lipkins, author who makes appearances about hazing and bullying 
<a href="http://www.bullyfrog.com/">bullyfrog.com:</a>&nbsp;Books, workshops on bullying and Internet safety 
<a href="http://holocaust-nassau.org/#pageID=467">holocaust-nassau.org</a> Holocaust Memorial and Tolerance Center in <a href="/topics/Glen_Cove%2C_NY">Glen Cove</a>, programming and exhibits on tolerance and on confronting and defusing "threats to human dignity" 
<a href="http://olweus.org/public/index.page">olweus.org</a> and&nbsp;<a href="http://lincsonline.org/">lincsonline.org</a>:&nbsp;Click on "programs" - sells anti-bullying program 
<a href="http://ligaly.org/">ligaly.org</a>:&nbsp;<a href="/topics/Long_Island%2C_NY">Long Island</a> Gay and Lesbian Youth, <a href="/topics/Bay_Shore%2C_NY">Bay Shore</a> 
<a href="http://www.longislandcrisiscenter.org/">The Long Island Crisis Center</a>: Free, anonymous, confidential hotlines that are open 24/7 for crisis intervention, counseling and referrals. 
Middle Earth Hotline (516) 679-1111 
Huntington Hotline (631) 549-8700 1-800-273-TALK/1-800-SUICIDE

TXTBULL14.B

Anti-bullying resources and websites

As awareness grows over the issue of teen bullying, TV has taken notice.
Bullying has been a significant plot point of "<a href="/topics/Glee_%28show%29">Glee</a>" since the high school-set series launched last season. It was the predominant theme of last week's episode, in which openly gay student Kurt (<a href="/topics/Chris_Colfer">Chris Colfer</a>) was repeatedly thrown against his locker by a football player. Tired of being bullied, Kurt confronted him, producing a highly unexpected response - the bully kissed him full on the mouth.
The subject has been tackled on a range of other shows, from TeenNick's cult hit "DeGrassi: The Next Generation," to <a href="/topics/ABC">ABC</a>'s cop drama "<a href="/topics/Detroit">Detroit</a> 1-8-7."
A recent Lifetime movie, "Reviving Ophelia," based on "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls," by Mary Pipher, focused on cyberbullying.
In its recently concluded season, "DeGrassi" featured a transgender character named Adam who was dragged by bullies out of a bathroom then thrown into a glass window. On "Detroit 1-8-7," a girl killed a bully who had been tormenting her.
Denitria Harris-Lawrence, the co-executive producer who wrote the episode, said in an interview, "I was reading a lot of articles at the time and all were about school bullying incidents that were happening around the world, and it was just mind-blowing to me."
TV's most unusual approach to bullying may be found on "Bully Beatdown," an <a href="/topics/MTV">MTV</a> reality series produced by "Survivor's" <a href="/topics/Mark_Burnett">Mark Burnett</a>, which just began a third season. On this show, known bullies are confronted by mixed martial arts fighter <a href="/topics/Jason_Miller">Jason Miller</a> and then challenged to take part in a cage match with other MMA fighters as an audience cheers. 
In the wake of several highly publicized suicides caused by bullying, two stars of ABC's "<a href="/topics/Modern_Family">Modern Family</a>," <a href="/topics/Jesse_Tyler_Ferguson">Jesse Tyler Ferguson</a> and Eric <a href="/topics/Eric_Stonestreet">Stonestreet</a> - who play a married gay couple on the show - cut an anti-bullying public service announcement. "Differences should be celebrated - there's no other you," Stonestreet tells viewers.
And an online initiative, It Gets Better Project, has gone viral with dozens of video testimonials by gay adults describing bullying incidents in their lives.

Entertainment

ETSKUL14

Range of TV shows tackle bullying issue

The shocking suicide of a college student whose sex life was broadcast over the Web illustrates yet again the Internet’s alarming potential as a means of tormenting others and raises questions whether young people in the age of Twitter and <a href="/topics/Facebook">Facebook</a> can even distinguish public from private. 
Cruel gossip and vengeful acts once confined to the schoolyard or the dorm can now make their way around the world instantly via the Internet, along with photos and live video. 
“It’s just a matter of when the next suicide’s going to hit, when the next attack’s going to hit,” said Parry Aftab, a New Jersey lawyer who runs the website WiredSafety. 
Last week, Rutgers University freshman <a href="/topics/Tyler_Clementi">Tyler Clementi</a> jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and another classmate allegedly used a webcam to secretly broadcast his dorm room sexual encounters with another man. The two classmates have been charged with invasion of privacy, with the most serious charges carrying up to five years in prison. 
The suicide of <a href="/topics/Tyler_Clementi">Clementi</a>, a shy, gifted 18-year-old violinist, shocked and disturbed gay rights activists and others on campus. 
“Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened,” said Rutgers student Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren, N.J. 
“He wouldn’t have been outed via an online broadcast, and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life.” The Associated Press found at least 12 cases in the U.S. since 2003 in which children and young adults between 11 and 18 killed themselves after falling victim to some form of “cyberbullying” — teasing, harassing or intimidating with pictures or words distributed online or via text message. 
In probably the best-known case, 13-year-old <a href="/topics/Megan_Meier">Megan Meier</a> of Daddenne Prairie, Mo., hanged herself in 2006 after she received messages on MySpace — supposedly from a teenage boy — cruelly dumping her. An adult neighbor was later found guilty of taking part in the hoax, but the conviction was overturned. 
Earlier this year, 17-year-old Alexis Pilkington of West Islip, who had landed a college soccer scholarship, killed herself after receiving a stream of nasty messages. 
Gregory Jantz, founder of A Place of Hope, a <a href="/topics/Seattle">Seattle</a> mental health care center, said young people who use the Internet to spread something damaging about others often don’t realize how hurtful it can be because many of them have grown up in a world that has blurred the line between public and private. 
“Our kids are in a different zone now,” Jantz said. 
Aftab said young people who would never bully someone face to face do it online in part because of the often-false sense of anonymity that the Internet provides. 
“They’ll also jump on because they don’t want to be the next target,” Aftab said. 
In Clementi’s case, prosecutors said that his roommate, Dharun Ravi of Plainsboro, N.J., and Molly Wei of Princeton, N.J., both 18-year-old freshmen, transmitted a live image of Clementi having sex on Sept. 19 and that Ravi tried to webcast a second encounter on Sept. 21, the day before Clementi’s suicide. Ravi’s lawyer and a lawyer believed to be representing Wei did not return calls. 
Luanne Peterpaul, vice chairwoman of the gay rights group <a href="/topics/Garden_State_Equality">Garden State Equality</a> and a former New Jersey prosecutor, said authorities might be able to pursue the case as a hate crime under state law if they are able to establish that the defendants acted because they believed Clementi was gay. 
Ravi posted a message on his now-closed Twitter account on Sept. 19: 
“Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay.” Prosecutor Bruce J. Kaplan said in a statement: “We will be making every effort to assess whether bias played a role in the incident, and, if so, we will bring appropriate charges.” 
A lawyer for Clementi’s family did not respond to requests for comment on whether Clementi had come out to friends and family about his sexual orientation. He also said the family had no comment. 
The mourning continued at Rutgers; in Ridgewood, the suburban New Jersey town where Clementi grew up and attended high school; and across New Jersey. 
Clementi’s violin teacher for the past five years could not believe he had taken his own life. 
“He was a very genuine and, I guess, you could call it a shy person,” said Khullip Jeung, 33, who teaches out of his home in Fort Lee. “But when he played the violin, it was different. He had a strong voice. He knew what he wanted to say. And he spoke through his violin. And I think that is the real <a href="/topics/Tyler_Clementi">Tyler</a> that I knew.” 
Childhood friend Mary Alcaro, who played in a summer music academy with him, said Clementi had been destined for greatness. 
“I’ve never heard anyone make a violin sing the way he did,” she said in an e-mail. 
Even Gov. <a href="/topics/Christopher_J._Christie">Chris Christie</a> had something to say. 
“As the father of a 17-year-old, I can’t imagine what those parents are feeling today,” he said. “Those people who led him to that bridge are going to have to bear that responsibility for the rest of their lives.” Students at West Windsor-Plainsboro Regional High School, from which Ravi and Wei graduated, remembered them as nice people who were not in any way homophobic. 
Ravi had gay friends, said Derek Yan, 16, a junior. Yan said he chatted online with Ravi about what college life was like, and Ravi “said he was lucky to have a good roommate. He said his roommate was cool.”

News

Nation/World

nj suicide -Oct 1

N.J. student’s suicide illustrates Internet dangers

In his first weeks at Rutgers University, Tyler Clementi was known by some students as a smiling hallmate, while others thought of him as the shyest student in the dorm. 
Gay rights groups, however, says his suicide makes Clementi a national example of a problem they are increasingly working to combat: young people who kill themselves after being tormented over their sexuality. 
A lawyer for Clementi’s family said Wednesday that he had jumped off the George Washington Bridge last week after a recording of him having a sexual encounter with a man was broadcast online. 
Clementi’s roommate, Dhraun Ravi, and fellow Rutgers freshman Molly Wei, both 18, have been charged with invading Clementi’s privacy. Middlesex County prosecutors say the pair used a webcam to surreptitiously transmit a live image of Clementi having sex on Sept. 19 and that Ravi tried to webcast a second encounter on Sept. 21, the day before Clementi’s suicide. 
A lawyer for Ravi, of Plainsboro, did not immediately return a message seeking comment. It was unclear whether Wei, of Princeton, had retained a lawyer. 
Collecting or viewing sexual images without consent is a fourth-degree crime. Transmitting them is a third-degree crime with a maximum prison term of five years. 
Police recovered a man’s body Wednesday afternoon in the <a href="/topics/Hudson_River">Hudson River</a> just north of the bridge, and authorities were trying to determine if it was Clementi’s. 
ABC News and The Star-Ledger of <a href="/topics/Newark">Newark</a> reported that Clementi left on his <a href="/topics/Facebook">Facebook</a> page on Sept. 22 a note that read: “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” On Wednesday, his <a href="/topics/Facebook">Facebook</a> page was accessible only to friends. 
Even if the young violinist from Ridgewood was not well known at his new school, his death stirred outrage. 
“The notion that video of Tyler doing what he was doing can be considered a spectacle is just heinous,” said <a href="/topics/Jordan">Jordan</a> Gochman, 19, of Jackson, who didn’t know Clementi. “It’s intolerant, it’s upsetting, it makes it seem that being gay is something that is wrong and can be considered laughable.” 
Some said homophobia was at the root of Clementi’s death. “Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened,” said Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren. “He wouldn’t have been outed via an online broadcast and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life.” 
Other students who did know Clement were upset that they didn’t do more to help him. “I wish I could have been more of an ally,” said Georges Richa, a freshman from New Brunswick. 
About 100 people gathered Wednesday night for a vigil on campus. They lay on the ground and chanted slogans like, “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going home.” 
Several gay rights groups linked Clementi’s death to the troubling phenomenon of young people committing suicide after being harassed over their sexuality. 
Steven Goldstein, chairman of <a href="/topics/Garden_State_Equality">Garden State Equality</a>, said in a statement that his group considers Clementi’s death a hate crime. 
“We are heartbroken over the tragic loss of a young man who, by all accounts, was brilliant, talented and kind,” Goldstein said. 
“And we are sickened that anyone in our society, such as the students allegedly responsible for making the surreptitious video, might consider destroying others’ lives as a sport.” 
It wasn’t immediately clear what Clementi’s sexual orientation was, and a call asking the family’s lawyer about it was not immediately returned Wednesday. 
Last week, <a href="/topics/Dan_Savage">Dan Savage</a>, a columnist at the <a href="/topics/Seattle">Seattle</a> weekly newspaper The Stranger, launched the latest of several efforts to try to stem the problem: the It Gets Better Project, a <a href="/topics/YouTube">YouTube</a> channel where gay, lesbian and bisexual adults share the turmoil they experienced when they were younger — and that their lives are better now. 
In response to Clementi’s death and other incidents, the group Parents, Families &amp; Friends of Lesbians and Gays said it would issue a “call to action” on the subject on Thursday. 
Rutgers University President Richard McCormick wrote in a letter to the campus, “If the charges are true, these actions gravely violate the university’s standards of decency and humanity.” 
Coincidentally, the university on Wednesday was launching a new two-year Project Civility, designed to get students thinking about how they treat others. 
Meanwhile, for some of Clementi’s new classmates, the first time they learned much about him was when they got word of his death. 
“I guess the only person I haven’t talked to is Tyler ’cause he’s like really quiet and shy,” said Justin Lee, a freshman from Princeton who lives on Clementi’s hall. 
 
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student taped - Sept 30

N.J. student secretly taped having sex kills himself

LIRUT30s

Family and friends of Alexis Pilkington, the West Islip teen who committed suicide in March, hope a celebration of her life will help others escape her fate. 
The Alexis Pilkington Memorial Foundation will host a fundraiser on July 23 at Cedar Beach in Babylon to raise awareness about suicide, suicide prevention and cyberbullying, as well as to raise money for educational programs and scholarship programs aimed at students on Long Island. 
"Lexi's Beach Bash" will take place between 6 and 10 p.m. under a beach pavilion near Ocean Parkway and will feature live music, food and social service providers. 
"Our mission is that we need to go on with life and that life is still important and that there is much that needs to be done to help these kids," Alexis Pilkington's mother, Paula Pilkington, said. 
Pilkington, a 17-year-old soccer player and recent graduate of West Islip High School, was found dead on March 21. Her suicide first gained attention because of anonymous negative comments on her <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> page and on <a href="/topics/Formspring.me">Formspring.me</a>. Some worried that those ugly remarks had pushed her to suicide. After her death, mean comments appeared on her memorial <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> page. 
While Pilkington's parents have been adamant cyberbullying did not push their daughter over the edge, since her death classmates have spoken out about cyberbullying and boycotted social networking sites. 
Her parents have openly discussed suicide as a mental health issue as well as the toll suicide takes on those left behind. Pilkington's mother said her daughter would have attended an event like the one to be held in her memory. 
"If anyone was going to the beach, she would jump in the car with you," Paula Pilkington said of her daughter. "I'm asking anyone who knew Lexi, those who didn't, those who want to talk about her, and those who want to share stories to just come down and have a nice night on the beach." 
The event will feature the Suffolk Police Pipe Band, a raffle and prizes. Several social service organizations will also be on site to speak with students. Those who attend may make a voluntary donation. 
"It's just a beautiful night at the beach to celebrate her and the people she's helped," said lead organizer and family friend Christina Maiori. 
Proceeds will go to organizations including The Long Island Crisis Center, Family Service League and Suicide Prevention Education Awareness for Kids. 
Paula Pilkington said she hopes to protect other families from experiencing her grief. "If we can save one life by bringing awareness to the community then that's our purpose." 
More information about the fundraiser or the Alexis Pilkington Memorial Foundation is available at alexispilkington memorialfoundation.org or by e-mail at giveevery thingbutup@yahoo.com.

LIALEX14

Alexis Pilkington's family to raise suicide awareness

Alexis Pilkington -- CROPPED

West Islip teen Dominique Napolitano sat before a House committee in Washington, D.C., Thursday morning and urged parents and school administrators to take cyberbullying seriously. 
"As a girl and a Girl Scout, I realize that cyberbullying is an important issue for girls," said Napolitano, 15, wearing her <a href="/topics/Suffolk_County%2C_NY">Suffolk</a> Troop 2217 vest. "The number one safety concern for girls is emotional safety." 
Also testifying before the subcommittee on Healthy Families and Communities, chaired by Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-<a href="/topics/Mineola%2C_NY">Mineola</a>), was syndicated daytime television talk-show host "Dr. Phil" McGraw. Cyberbullying is a widespread problem among teens, he said. 
Victims of cyberbullying are 1.9 times more likely to commit suicide, he said, briefly mentioning another West Islip teen, Alexis Pilkington, 17, who killed herself in March. Her suicide drew attention locally to the issue of cyberbullying because of reports that said it led to her death. However, her parents have said they don't know if cyberbullying pushed her to take her life. 
While she hasn't been a cyberbullying target or participant, Napolitano recounted a classmate's experience in which a boy created an online fan site meant to ridicule the girl. The boy's cruelty "socially backfired when students started joining the fan club to bash him for his cowardly act," Napolitano said. Still, she said, the ordeal left the girl with emotional scars. 
Technology has changed the way bullies operate, McGraw said. "In the past, the bully had size, they had words, they could intimidate someone at school," he said. "The problem is bullies are anonymous now. You get even more aggression from them because they don't have to look their target in the eye." 
Today's bullying goes beyond mean words scrawled on bathroom walls or snickering behind backs, McGraw said. Rumors or mean words posted online can follow students even if they change schools. "The problem is there is no place to hide," he said. 
When a member of the subcommittee asked Napolitano why teens find it difficult to talk to parents about being bullied, she said they're afraid things will get worse. "I think they're afraid; 'What are other people going to think of me?' " she said. " 'Am I going to be cyberbullied even more because of it?' "

USBULL25

West Islip teen testifies in D.C. on cyberbullying

When Billy Crawford learned in January that his friends were using Formspring.me, a new social-networking Web site, the senior at <a href="/topics/West_Islip%2C_NY">West Islip</a> High School decided to check it out. 
The platform gives users the option to send and receive questions anonymously. "Everybody's lured in by curiosity ... what do people think about me," said Crawford, 17. 
The first few anonymous comments left on his page were positive ones, Crawford said, but it didn't take long before the comments turned nasty. "There were really negative comments about me and my girlfriend at the time," he said. 
"You become obsessed with what people have to say about you. I don't know why," Crawford said. "Some people get really caught up in it." 
The site gives users the option of deleting comments rather than sharing them with others, but some teens share them anyway. On Friday, the company announced new restrictions to allow users to block any anonymous postings. 
Despite the negative comments, it took Crawford a while before he finally decided he'd had enough. That was earlier this month, when he received more anonymous postings attacking his character. While he didn't want to discuss the specifics, he said it was the final act that convinced him to close his account. 
"I figured I really don't need this in my life," Crawford said. 
Source of free expression 
Although Michael Liegey doesn't use Formspring.me, the senior at <a href="/topics/Walt_Whitman">Walt Whitman</a> High School in <a href="/topics/Huntington%2C_NY">Huntington</a> said it would be wrong to shut down the social-networking Web site because some users are abusing it by posting cruel and mean-spirited comments anonymously. 
While Liegey, 18, is sympathetic to a movement launched by friends of the late Alexis Pilkington to boycott the 4-month-old site she had been using, he said the company provides a service some people want. 
"Formspring provides a vehicle to say certain things. The fact it allows people who say it anonymously is not a reason to ban it," Liegey said. 
Liegey is concerned that if authorities impose restrictions on sites such as Formspring.me, it may have a chilling effect on individuals' freedom of expression. 
Going onto Formspring.me is like visiting a public park or going to a movie theater, Liegey said. In a park, at the theater, or on Formspring.me, people should have the right to speak or communicate with anyone they wish, including strangers. 
If someone on that or any other social networking site is violating the law or the company's policy, which includes the use of "offensive" language, then Liegey said the user should report to the authorities or to the company. 
"Rules that apply in the physical world should apply in cyberspace," Liegey said. 
Another way to stay connected 
Chanelle Stracuzza likes it when people pay her compliments, even when she doesn't know the identity of the online speaker. 
"When people say nice things about me, even anonymously, it makes me feel good," said Stracuzza, 18, a senior at West Islip High School. 
Stracuzza discovered Formspring.me in February when she and her friends linked the site to their <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> pages. She wanted to be in on the loop so she signed up for the service, which gives users the option of accepting personal questions anonymously. 
"I got one because everybody got one and I was curious about what it was," she said. 
Stracuzza said she did not send or answer comments anonymously and she did receive one negative comment left on her page by an unidentified person. 
Stracuzza, who uses <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> regularly, said Formspring.me provides another platform for her to stay connected to her friends. 
"It's like calling someone on the phone, or texting or meeting up," she said. Like texting, she said, "I think it's less awkward than talking on the phone." 
Social networking safety tips 
The cyber-safety group Teenangels advises: 
1- Keep your passwords private. You're entitled to privacy, and password abuse is at the root of much cyber mischief. 
2- Hit "delete" instead of "forward." Break the cycle of sexting and harassment. 
3- Think twice. Before you post that picture or send that message, think about the consequences it might have - today, next week or years from now. 
4- Report abuse on <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> if you see or are a victim of abusive behavior. Look for "Report" links throughout the site, such as the "Report This Photo" link underneath photos and the "Report" links in Inbox messages from people who aren't confirmed friends. 
5- Check out <a href="/topics/MTV">MTV</a>'s survey on digital abuse at www.athinline.org. 
Also, do not answer offensive questions on Formspring.me. Delete before answering, block repeat offenders. 
New rules 
Formspring.me announced new options Friday for use of the site: 
New users signing on to Formspring.me must choose one of three options: 
1. Decline any and all anonymous questions 
2. Allow all anonymous questions 
3. Allow only anonymous questions from users who are logged in to the system. This feature allows Formspring.me to track and identify abusers, according to a company spokeswoman. 
If you chose to allow anonymous questions, you have four choices: 
Respond 
Delete the question, which means only you see it. 
Block the question 
Report it as spam.

LIKIDS28.WEB

Kids lured to social sites by 'curiosity'

The news that Alexis Pilkington, a 17-year-old West Islip High School graduate and soccer player, had committed suicide was shocking enough for her family and friends. 
Almost as shocking to them have been the comments posted on social networking sites directed at the star student-athlete before her death, as well as dozens of often anonymous, mean-spirited postings in the days since on a <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> tribute page set up in her memory. 
There, amid the sincere proclamations of grief, were obscene and insulting comments. They piled up faster than her friends could remove them. 
Parents of her distraught friends now say they want to pursue legal action against those whose identities can be traced in this Internet activity known as trolling - vicious, provocative and often anonymous and profane postings. 
"Right now we have four different kids taking down all the names, profiles and finding out who the . . . people are," said Donna McBride, mother of a close friend of Alexis. "We're going to present them to the police." 
Michael Stracuzza, father of another friend, said he'd spoken with a Babylon Town councilman who said he'd get in touch with the Suffolk County district attorney's office. 
"I'm going to take this as far as I can possibly get," said Stracuzza, a businessman. "I don't care what it costs me." 
In a statement, Deputy Chief <a href="/topics/Frank_Stallone">Frank Stallone</a> of the <a href="/topics/Suffolk_County_Police">Suffolk County Police</a> Department said, "Investigators are monitoring the postings and will take action if any communication is determined to be of a criminal nature." 
A number of states have laws or policies making it easier to prosecute or curtail so-called cyberbullying, but not every case of offensive speech is prosecutable. 
The <a href="/topics/Megan_Meier">Megan Meier</a> Cyberbullying Prevention Act, introduced last April by Rep. <a href="/topics/Linda_Sanchez">Linda Sanchez</a> (D-<a href="/topics/California">Calif</a>.), would make it a federal crime to send communication intended to coerce, intimidate, harass or cause emotional distress using electronic means to accomplish the task. 
It is named for the 13-year-old <a href="/topics/Missouri">Missouri</a> girl who committed suicide in 2006 after she was harassed on MySpace by a woman pretending to be a boy who befriended her and then disparaged her, sending her into depression. 
Alexis Pilkington's father, Thomas, longtime member of the <a href="/topics/New_York_City_Police_Department">New York City Police Department</a>, said he would cooperate with any legal proceeding or investigation. "If I have to be the complainant in a criminal proceeding, then I would be," he said. 
However, he said he and his wife had not read the <a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> page, which is open to comment by anyone, nor had they read their daughter's exchanges on Formspring.me, a new social networking site in which participants agree to answer often anonymously posed questions. 
In the days before her suicide, she'd dealt with insulting and anonymous comments there, and some of her friends have criticized the site for those comments, suggesting it may have had an effect on her state of mind. 
Her father, however, does not blame those exchanges for his daughter's actions. 
"It could be one of many things [contributing to her suicide] but it was not the major, or even a minor factor in her deciding to do what she did," said Pilkington, who had previously said his daughter had been in counseling. 
Formspring.me's president, John Wechsler, who said it has 50 million unique users in a month, said he was surprised and saddened to learn Pilkington's friends are blaming the site for playing a role in her suicide. 
"It's just tragic," Wechsler said. "I am sorry to hear that her friends think there is anything in there that would cause her to do something like that." 
Wechsler said the site does not monitor online conversations between users. However, if a complaint were filed, the company would investigate and shut down the account of any users who violated the company's policy, which includes the use of "objectionable" language. 
<a href="/topics/Facebook_Inc.">Facebook</a> officials were unavailable for comment Tuesday. 
The postings to Alexis' memorial page have compounded her friends' loss. 
McBride said of her daughter Erin, "She has to deal with the loss of her best friend. Then you throw in these malicious ghouls and she has to deal with three times as much . . . there's about 40 kids in a room crying. They're all devastated." 
- With Zachary R. Dowdy, Chau Lam and Andrew Strickler

LIALEX24

Family, friends shocked at cyberposts after teen's death

Robert Moses

Alexis Pilkington, an All County performer for the Long Island Class AA championship-winning West Islip girls soccer team, has died, West Islip High School officials said. 
The cause of death was unknown Sunday. 
West Islip athletic director <a href="/topics/Tim_Horan">Tim Horan</a>, told of the news Sunday morning, called it "devastating." He said the school would enact its crisis management protocol beginning Monday morning for students and staff. 
Lions soccer coach Nick Grieco called Pilkington "a great kid." 
Pilkington, a two-year starter at West Islip, had committed to play at <a href="/topics/Dowling_College">Dowling College</a> in the fall. 
A midfielder, Pilkington, of West Islip, scored nine goals with five assists this season as the Lions won their first Long Island Class AA title since 1989. 
She scored one of West Islip's goals in its 3-2 loss to John Jay-East Fishkill in the state semifinals in Cortland on Nov. 20. She also assisted in Codi-Lynn Johnson's game-winning goal in No. 6 West Islip's improbable comeback from two goals down in the final nine minutes against Sachem East in the Suffolk final at Dowling on Nov. 11.

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LIPILK22

All County West Islip soccer player dies

Alexis Pilkington

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