Time stands still in boyhood bedrooms of fallen Long Island Marines

Marianna Winchester walked up the stairs to her son Ronald's bedroom, nearly unchanged for more than 20 years since the Marine Corps first lieutenant was killed by a roadside bomb during his second tour in Iraq.

"Hello son," Winchester said when she entered the room, empty except for remnants of a life that ended at age 25: a U.S. Naval Academy football jersey, a Marine Corps banner, photos and awards from his time in the military and at Chaminade High School in Mineola.

The mother paused, holding back tears, and surveyed the room in silence.

"I usually say, 'See you later,' " said the Rockville Centre woman. "I come up here at least once a day ... I could come up here and I could hear his chuckle, his laughter. I could have a conversation with him and almost feel he's there."

Ronald Winchester’s boyhood bedroom remains almost as it was when he shipped off on his second tour of duty. His mother and other Gold Star families who spoke to Newsday said leaving their sons' rooms untouched is a tribute to their service, and sacrifice, in a war that killed nearly 5,000 U.S. service members.

Gold Star families were named after gold pins given during World War I to families of loved ones killed while in service. The gold pins were fastened on service flags in their memory, according to the U.S. Army.

"Those who die in service to their country leave behind parents, siblings, spouses, children, and extended families," according to the nonprofit America's Gold Star Families. "The title is meant to honor the service member’s ultimate sacrifice while acknowledging their family’s loss, grief, and continued healing."

Saving his memory

Winchester said she likes to keep her son's bedroom the same so his memory never fades, adding that sometimes she'll still catch a fleeting whiff of Ralph Lauren Polo cologne her son wore. Ronald's Chaminade High football letterman jacket still hangs in the closet.

"I think we have to realize keeping his memory alive is the most important thing. This is a room I walk in and feel pride," she said. "When I walk into his room, I think I recognize the love of his country as a Marine. He was proud to wear the uniform of our nation and people respect him for that. Every fallen hero that has gone through the same thing. We all feel the pain."

Ronald Winchester was killed on Sept. 3, 2004, by an improvised explosive device. His mother's grandchildren now visit the bedroom to look at the memorial for an uncle they never knew. Winchester said she sorts through his drawers and rearranges anything that may be out of place. She writes a message to him every year on his birthday to tell him how much she misses him.

"I picked up where he left off," Winchester said. "I think people have to realize everyone suffers and grieves differently. It doesn’t get easier, but it gets harder in some sense and you wonder what could have been and think about that often."

She has kept her son's handwritten letters mailed home from overseas, as well as a box of his belongings, including videos and articles from his first tour in Iraq. Winchester said she’ll keep them for the rest of her life.

"He used to say, ‘Hold on to it, Mom. Someday I'll have my son, and I'll tell him, so he knows that his father was a hero,' " she said.

'Everything's for Jordan'

JoAnn Lyles lost her only son, Marine Lance Cpl. Jordan Haerter, 19, of Sag Harbor, when he was standing next to another Marine, Cpl. Jonathan Yale, 21, of Burkeville, Virginia. Both were killed on April 22, 2008, when they fired into a suicide truck bomber carrying 2,000 pounds of explosives that detonated before it could enter the Americans' compound. 

Haerter joined the Marines right after high school, motivated to serve his country after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. His mother said he had hoped to go to college on the GI Bill, or serve as a police officer in Sag Harbor or Southampton. Lyles said he was always proud to be a Marine.

"I know any Marine would do the same thing. They just definitely take care of their own, take care of their brothers. I think that this was his only choice," Lyles said. "Just remember the fallen. Speak their names so they’re not forgotten."

Since his death, Lyles has preserved her son’s room but also made it a memorial for his achievements.

"I think it would feel wrong for me to change it," Lyles said. "When you go up the stairs, everything’s for Jordan. The whole house is a memorial."

She said she still has dreams about her son as a little boy and in her mind, she still hears his footsteps coming.

An American flag and a 2000 Yankees World Series pennant hang in his room, just as they did before he deployed. The bedroom is also adorned with teddy bears and Jordan's childhood toys and cars. Lyles has painted pictures of her son and Yale along with combat medals and a signed poster from his platoon of about 50 other Marines whom he saved when he helped stop the suicide bomber. Haerter and Yale were posthumously awarded the Navy Cross in 2009, the Navy's second highest award.

"I don’t know if everyone could keep a room the same for 17 years now. I think I’m lucky I can," Lyles said. "I guess just knowing I can touch everything and know this was Jordan’s room."

Lyles reflects on difficult days such as the anniversary of his death and birthdays and realizes she will never have grandchildren. But she said each Memorial Day she remembers his service and the sacrifice for families who still have children in the military.

Gold Star family support

After Haerter’s death, Lyles connected with another Gold Star family, Tim and Janet Scherer, the parents of Marine Cpl. Christopher Scherer.

Scherer, 21, of East Northport, was killed July 21, 2007, by a sniper in Iraq — shot under the arm, one of the only spots left vulnerable by body armor, his father said.

"The support of the Gold Star families around here, what I’ve found is the best for me, was just being able to talk to them," Tim Scherer said.

"Just friends and family in this community are great," Janet Scherer said. "You have the worst moment of your life, but then all of a sudden, all this love and support comes into your life."

Like the others, Christopher’s family kept his room almost exactly the same. The walls are decorated with a "Scarface" movie poster along with decorations of the Mets, Islanders, Northport lacrosse, his medals and a sculpture holding his Marine cap.

"Sometimes it's peaceful, sometimes it's hard," Janet Scherer said. "It's like when you have an empty nest, your kids grow up. This was Chris' room, so when he left, there was no reason to change it."

Following their son's death, the Scherers learned to cope with the loss by starting the "Semper Fi Fund: No Marine Left Behind," which has raised more than $1 million for Northport High School scholarships, 3,000 care packages for troops and 30 service dogs for veterans in Smithtown.

The bedroom offers the family a sanctuary of peace where they can come to forget the stress of everyday life and reflect on the memories of their son.

"When I walk through that door and I sit down here, I'm not thinking about all those things," Tim Scherer said. "It's a time to reflect, and just find some peace, just reflecting on, as we would say, a life well lived. Too short, but he lived it well."