These Long Islanders reflect on the birthdays that took the cake

For many people, birthdays are marked with a cake, some cards and a chorus of “Happy Birthday.”

But often the day carries a deeper meaning. For one Long Islander, it was reaching a milestone age that a beloved sister did not. For another, they are reminders of triumphing over struggles with infertility and adoption.

While birthdays are often marked with a celebratory event, they can be “emotional roller coasters,” said Charan Ranganath, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis.

“Birthdays are obviously milestones and markers in our lifetime, and we come back to them because time is so continuous,” said Ranganath, author of “Why We Remember: Unlocking Memory’s Power to Hold on to What Matters.”

Here some Long Islanders reflect on the meaning the day brings as they hope for many more.

FLIPPING THE MOOD

Hilary Topper, 64, of Merrick, chooses to focus on joy on her birthday, despite the sad memories the day can evoke.

On April 25, 2022, four years after her beloved older sister, Lori, died at age 60, Topper threw herself a 60th birthday party. The event at the Allegria Hotel in Long Beach brought together more than 50 relatives and friends.

Her goal — which she achieved — was to recast her painful association with that milestone into a happy occasion.

“My sister’s death was very traumatic for me, and I needed to celebrate life,” said Topper, noting that the siblings had been very close and had much in common. Four years apart, they had shared the same birth month; married two brothers; lived in high-ranch homes; and had brain aneurysms.

Topper — prompted by her sister’s 2018 death from an aneurysm that was initially misdiagnosed as a brain tumor and their grandfather’s death from an aneurysm — went to the doctor, and two years ago, she said, a brain stent saved her life.

“I needed to celebrate because I was still here,” said Topper, a blogger, podcaster and the author of “Unlocking the Triathlon: The Beginner’s Guide to Competing in a Triathlon.”

“When you have situations like that, you appreciate life so much more,” she said.

Two years earlier, on her 58th birthday — during the thick of the COVID-19 epidemic — Topper also experienced a memorably joyous birthday.

She had been cooped up in her living room and, because it was April, the month that she and her late sister had their birthdays, she was depressed.

But her spirits lifted when children, Derek, now 29, and Zoey, now 34, turned on the TV and, much to Topper’s surprise, a YouTube video appeared dedicated to her. Husband Brian, accompanied by Alexa, sang “Happy Birthday,” and other relatives and friends — from near and far — conveyed their birthday wishes with music, dance, humor and blown kisses.

“After being depressed and isolated, it was such a happy, happy birthday,” Topper recalled.

METS MEMORIES

For her big day on Dec. 2, 2022, Sue Rogers had made no secret about what she wanted: A 60th birthday party. So when she entered her daughter’s room and spotted an invitation to her upcoming surprise party, she was filled with joy and excitement.

“I don’t remember why I went in there because normally I don’t,” said Rogers, 63, a Farmingdale resident with a grown son and daughter.

The celebration at the Knights of Columbus in Farmingdale drew more than 100 people from the different stages of Rogers’ life — her adolescence, college days and years as a bank officer, a Girl Scout troop leader and, currently, a school aide at Howitt Middle School in Farmingdale.

For Rogers, the party was not only a celebration of her 60 years, but also the 60th anniversary of her favorite boys of summer, the New York Mets. She changed into a Mets anniversary shirt to blow out the candles.

Katie McKnight, a longtime friend and neighbor, gave Rogers a baseball signed by Jay Hook who, in 1962, became the first winning pitcher in the Mets’ franchise history. During the party, however, Rogers didn’t display the notable artifact, lest too many hands touch it and diminish its value, she said.

Plus, Susan Sattler, a friend since junior high school, presented Rogers with a videotape featuring her all-time favorite former Met, Lee Mazzilli. In the video that Sattler uploaded to the catering hall’s screen, Mazzilli not only wished Rogers a happy birthday but also thanked her for being an enduring fan, which referred to the day — on Sattler’s 16th birthday in 1979 — that the two friends sat in front of the TV and witnessed the Italian Stallion’s home run during the All-Star Game.

“I felt I was 16 again,” Rogers said.

FAMILY ADDITIONS

With her brother, sister and a friend, Roberta Perry, 63, marked her 50th birthday on March 14, 2012 on the Inca Trail in Peru’s Machu Picchu.

On the private, guided five-day hiking and camping trip, “You had to watch where you were walking,” said the Plainview resident and owner of Farmingdale-based ScrubzBody Skin Care Products, a 20-year-old skincare business.

Amid the breathtaking vistas, sunsets and sunrises, the trail was arduous, made of stone and granite, with 18-, 12- and 3-inch steps, Perry said. “I still can’t believe we did it,” she said.

But nothing compares with the memories of her 33rd birthday, her all-time-favorite personal red-letter day, she said.

At that time, she and her husband, Ross Perry, now 67, yearned for another child, to give their young son a sibling. But subsequent infertility, including miscarriages, convinced the couple that they should adopt while continuing to try and conceive.The Plainview couple found a trusted lawyer and, following his recommendations, they took out classified ads expressing their interest in connecting with birth mothers agreeable to adoption.

The process was agonizing, especially when a seemingly motivated caller suddenly ghosted them.

“I tried a few more classifieds, and then I found out I was pregnant,” Perry recalled, adding she expected the pregnancy to end in miscarriage.

And to her astonishment, they received the call they had also longed for. It was from the woman who would give birth to the Perrys’ son, now 30 years old.

After that joyful call, Perry, her husband and parents went out to dinner for her 33rd birthday. She told her parents that a birth mother had chosen the couple for her soon-to-be-born child.

“If this pregnancy sticks, I’m going to have two kids back-to-back,” Perry remembered telling her parents. And she will never forget her mother’s loving response: “The more the merrier.”

Less than two months later, “I was a new mom again,” with the “accidental twins,” Perry said. With the addition of their adopted son and birth daughter, their wish to expand their family was more than fulfilled. The experience led her to write and self-publish a children’s book, “A Is for Adoption: An Alphabet Book.”

“My 33rd birthday was an unplanned celebration,” she said.

GRATEFUL FOR EVERY YEAR

For James Wright, just surviving from one year to the next is a memorable milestone.

Thirteen years ago, Wright, then 48, was diagnosed with rectal cancer.

In spite of the diagnosis, Wright, who is deeply spiritual, said he wasn’t frightened. “I knew God had me in his keepings, and although I knew dying was a possibility, I was not focused on it. I trusted in God to carry me through,” said the Bay Shore resident, who is chairperson of the deacon ministry at the New Jerusalem Baptist Church in Brentwood.

Wright’s medical treatments, including surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, led him to take early retirement from his highway department job 13 years ago. They have also taken a toll on his kidneys, and since January, he has been undergoing dialysis three days a week. “Every year is challenging, and every year, I’m grateful,” he said.

And when he turned 60 on June 19, 2024, Wright said he took a pause — to look back at all he had been through and to be ever-appreciative of another year of life.

“I’m not like a kid looking for a party with your friends,” he said.

Yet on that milestone day, he received birthday calls from family and friends and went to dinner at Chili’s with his wife, Michelle. “Now, it’s just looking forward to another year, because every year is a milestone to celebrate when you’ve gone through challenges,” Wright said.