At Long Island National Cemetery, veterans honor fallen veterans, comfort the grieving

Eddie Lopez, 37, was driving around Long Island National Cemetery in Pinelawn as part of his caretaker duties when he noticed two women in section 2J.

The veteran from Ridgewood, Queens, stopped his vehicle and asked the women if they needed help finding a grave.

"One of the ladies just kind of stopped in her tracks and looked at me, and she was basically almost bawling," Lopez said.

When the woman regained her composure, she told Lopez "You look exactly like my son that just passed away."

Lopez eventually helped them find the grave and embraced the upset woman when she asked for a hug.

"That hit me, because I can only imagine if something like that occurred to my mother," Lopez said.

Moments like this — of providing comfort to grieving families and honoring those who have served — are why veterans like Lopez make up the majority of national cemetery workers, to continue serving and paying it forward.

"People just think that I just work at a cemetery," Lopez said. "It's way more than that."

Veterans honoring veterans

Lopez, who served in the U.S. Navy on the USS Emory S. Land from 2005 to 2009 as a hull maintenance technician and firefighter, joined the Long Island National Cemetery as a caretaker in 2018.

He has since moved up to the position of engineering equipment operator.

"Being a Navy veteran, it’s felt like the proper opportunity, and the proper way to ... celebrate the life of the veterans before me, because I know for a fact when my time comes, I'm going to be celebrated in the same way," Lopez said.

Being a veteran isn’t a mandatory requirement for working at a national cemetery, said Jeffrey Taveras, director of the Long Island National Cemetery. 

Yet, about 70% of workers at national cemeteries are veterans, ranging from those who have served four years to retired military. Those who aren’t veterans usually have some close ties to a veteran or the military.

Cemetery workers also feel a camaraderie while working among other veterans from similar and different branches of service, Taveras said.

"I think a lot of veterans took the oath to serve our country and, once they get out of the service, it’s another way to continue to serve their brothers and sisters," Taveras, who served in the Army, said. Eventually I think some of them feel that hey one day this is going to be my final resting place ... so everyone that comes in is a family member."

A long history

Long Island National Cemetery consists of more than 350 acres holding 235,000 grave sites.

Because it allows for veterans to be buried with their spouses and dependent children, the remains of 361,000 people are interred there.

The cemetery’s columbarium holds the cremains of others in about 8,300 niches. Another 3,900 niches are available, officials said. 

The oldest graves date to soldiers from the Civil War, said Michael Fehn, the administrative officer at the Long Island National Cemetery. It holds the remains of soldiers from the Spanish-American War, both world wars, the Korea and Vietnam conflicts, Marines from the Beirut bombing, and the fallen from the wars in the Gulf, Iraq, Afghanistan and the 9/11 terror attacks, he said.

The cemetery was formally established in 1936 but had its first burial in 1937, Fehn said.

Cemetery staff are responsible for a variety of tasks, including opening future grave sites, lowering coffins  and closing a grave, as well as maintaining grave sites, tombstones, and the multiple shelters used for ceremonies, Lopez said.

The property’s open areas, variety of trees and plants in bloom in the spring, and scattered benches and spaces — including its mall area, or Distinguished Service Section near the flagpole — allow visitors to experience a peaceful quiet and opportunity for reflection.

"We want to make sure that everyone that walks in here, or has a funeral here, or is visiting loved one, is stopped in the tracks from the beauty of this place," Lopez said.

'Finding purpose'

Donald Roy, 30, of Patchogue, a cemetery caretaker, said during his time in the military he had performed about 150 ceremonies while on the honor funeral team at West Point Cemetery.

When he left the service, he missed the satisfaction of performing honors for veterans and decided to look at openings at national cemeteries.

"It’s all about finding the purpose after service," Roy, who served in the Army from 2013 to 2018 and was deployed to Afghanistan, said. "I like to say to people, 'There's a lot of veterans, they get out and they feel lost, and this place kind of makes me feel like I'm giving back.' " 

He first worked at the Calverton National Cemetery in Calverton and spent the past five years at Pinelawn's Long Island National Cemetery.

Roy recalled one instance, when he was a cemetery representative, he worked with a family that felt angry after losing their loved one, and tried to use interpersonal skills to help them process their grief.

"I remember what started out angry ended up with them feeling very satisfied with how everything turned out," Roy said. "Them thanking me so much up and down, about how I changed that day around for them."

Roy said he and two of his brothers felt compelled to join the military shortly after the 9/11 terror attacks when their uncle, off-duty NYPD Sgt. Timothy Alan Roy was killed after running toward the towers to help save others, he said.

His oldest brother was already in the Marine Corps at the time of the attacks.

One of these brothers was critically injured in Iraq in 2004.

"Luckily for us, he made it back. But it could have easily become a memorial we visit every year," Roy said. "It just makes you feel like you're doing the right thing."