Leaving pets can weigh on domestic violence victims, so LI shelter partnership may be haven they need

Elsie Estrada didn't change her work clothes or even remove her work identification when she drove from central Florida to New York to flee a marriage she described as abusive.

Among the things she put into the car for the more than 1,000-mile journey were her dog, Stitch, and three cats — a request from her two daughters, then 11 and 12, who left on a plane.

"My kids refused to leave without the animals," the West Hempstead resident said, recalling her journey in 2018.

Back in her native New York, Estrada, 46, said finding suitable housing for her family — pets included — was complicated. With limited options, Estrada turned to The Safe Center LI, which operates a domestic violence shelter. She learned the organization also partners with the Nassau County SPCA through the "Safe For Pets Too" program to house pets for people fleeing domestic violence.

Families seeking to flee domestic violence with pets can face difficult decisions. People don't want to leave behind their pets for fear of abuse. When they seek help, relatives may not allow their pets — an emotional support.

But partnerships such as these may be a bridge to getting a family out of an abusive situation, experts say.

Estrada said many relatives didn't have the space or didn't have the safest environment for the pets. But, placing the animals in the program gave her time to get stability for herself and her two daughters.

"At least I knew, OK, Stitch and the cats, they're all fine," she said. "Now, I got to focus on something else."

'One less stressor'

Joshua Hanson, executive director of The Safe Center LI, said it was crucial to view domestic violence as a batterer trying to exert power and control over another person. Often, he said, a person's pets or children are tools of that control.

"So, if they are thinking about leaving, if they are thinking about sort of escaping, or fleeing a domestic violence situation, often the batterer will use the pets as a mechanism of control and say, 'Well, if you leave, I'm going to kill your pet,' " Hanson said.

Sandra Zuazo, a registered psychological associate in California, says many factors come into play when a person is seeking to escape intimate partner violence, from finances to their perception of family values to coercion.

But when a person chooses to leave their abuser, she said, is the most dangerous time for them because it can be volatile.

Among other threats, Zuazo says it's common for the abuser to use the pets to maintain control, threatening to take the pet away if the other person does not stay.

For those seeking to leave domestic violence situations, she said, the program can be "one less stressor." 

Nearly half of respondents in a 2021 survey of thousands of people who contacted the National Domestic Violence Hotline said they worried their partner would harm or kill their pets. Meanwhile, half said they wouldn't consider going to a shelter if their pets weren't included, the survey said. 

In 2021, there were an estimated 250 pet-friendly shelters in the U.S., according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. But other arrangements can be made to foster pets.

'Keeping pets and families together'

The Nassau County SPCA's work with The Safe Center LI is one of those partnerships. Getting tapped into the resources requires the person seeking assistance to reach out to The Safe Center LI, which runs a 17-bed shelter and provides other services, such as case management.

As part of the intake process, The Safe Center LI staff ask questions about medication the person might take and whether the person has a pet. If interested, the Nassau County SPCA will meet the family to get as much information on the pets' medical needs. The pets then go to a boarding facility, where they can get vaccines and other care. The facility's location is not disclosed for protection purposes.

Maria Mora, executive director of the Nassau County SPCA, said sometimes a family couldn't comprehend the program when they met with staff and feared they would not get their pets back.

"They're very apprehensive about it until you really reassure them [and say], 'Hey, this program is about you getting your pet back, you know, keeping pets and families together,' " Mora said.

To date, the partnership has led to the temporary housing of dozens of pets, including dogs, cats, birds, and a rabbit, the organization said. But the Nassau County SPCA said it was willing to take on other types of animals, such as reptiles.

Pet photos for families

The Nassau County SPCA also allows people to foster their pets. People who want to foster the animals may take training to deal with sensitive situations such as a pet with anxiety. 

But, Mora said, being in a home environment — smelling home cooking or sleeping on a couch — is good for the animals while their owners often endure long stretches to find housing.

"This program, among other things that make it so challenging, is … the animals are with us for quite a long time," Mora said. "You know, sometimes six months is the minimum of the time frame because it's very difficult to find housing — and then housing that allows animals."

In the meantime, Mora said, she sends pictures to families who want an update on how their pets are doing.

For Estrada, she used the services for about four months. In that time, she said, she was able to get an apartment.

And a few days after she was in her apartment, she requested her pets back. Mora was the person who brought them.

They both recall the excitement of Stich, who since has passed away along with one of the cats, when he saw his owners. "Stich always had a smile on his face," Estrada said. The cats, she said, now run the home. 

When the pets returned, her daughters, one about to graduate high school and another in college, felt the beginning of a new normal. 

"We were complete," Estrada, said of the family reuniting with their pets. "We're all together again."

By Tiffany Cusaac-Smith

tiffany.cusaac-smith@newsday.com@T_Cusaac

Tiffany Cusaac-Smith is a general assignment reporter for Newsday. She previously worked at USA TODAY and is an alum of Howard University.