Things Long Islanders should never do
From our bagels to our lingo to our means of commuting, Long Islanders know how to navigate their way from Elmont to Montauk without drawing undue attention.
Here's what you should never do if you want to assimilate with the LI crowd.
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Hesitate while ordering
This is true whether you're at East Setauket's Se-port Deli counter ordering up this sandwich, selecting a sweet breakfast bite at Smithtown's Crazy Crepe Cafe or in line at the appropriately named Heavenly Bagels in Levittown: Know what you want before you get to the counter, unless you want scores of other customers breathing down your neck. The rush is real and waiting is never desirable.
Say “In Long Island”
This is quite simply grammatically incorrect. You live on an island, not in it, so we really don't understand the confusion here.
Miss the last train
If you're headed to a station with limited service like Westhampton, you better run to catch that 12:39 a.m. train from Penn. If you miss it, you'll be stuck there until the next one...7 hours later.
Make a Long Island Iced Tea with only one liquor
A Long Island Iced Tea is made with four liquors: tequila, vodka, rum and gin. Using only one type of alcohol makes for more of a Long Island Iced Tease.
Expect clear sailing
Whether you're cruising to Robert Moses this summer or heading to Harbes Farm in Mattituck come fall, don't leave your house at 10 a.m. and expect smooth sailing. Wherever you live, you can always anticipate even just a hint of bumper-to-bumper traffic if you don't leave early enough.
Show up at Roosevelt Field without a game plan
Being unprepared at Roosevelt Field -- or any Long Island mall -- will result in a lot of slow walking, stopping in the middle of the corridor, and blocking a lot of people from where they need to go. It's much better for everyone if you know what stores you're going to and how to get there. Move quickly!
There's enough LIE traffic as it is. Please curb your curiosity when you pass an accident or a sea of police cars and just help everyone keep moving.
Start your morning without a bagel
Seriously, if you didn't wake up to an everything bagel loaded with cream cheese to pair with your coffee, you didn't wake up on Long Island.
Pick on each other’s accents
Not all of us walk our dawgs after drinkin' our mawnin' cawfee, but there's no need to point it out to those of us who do.
Change at Jamaica (unless you have absolutely no choice)
Do you want your train to take you straight to your destination? Or do you want to get off the train in Queens, run up and down several flights of stairs, sprint across the station, realize you're at the wrong platform, and race back up more stairs? Up to you.
Sample every flavor at Ralph’s when there’s a line
"Ooh, can I try the Black Cherry Vanilla? Actually how about the Cake Batter? Or maybe the Cookie Dough?"
During summertime at Ralph's, it's likely that there will be a dozen Long Islanders waiting in line behind you. And you don't want to mess with us before we've had our Italian ices.
Eat pizza with a fork and knife
Nothing screams outsider like using utensils to eat pizza. Pick up your slice, fold it in half, and take a bite like a real Long Islander.
Put your bag on the seat of a packed eastbound 6 p.m. LIRR train
You can clearly see the train is so crowded that some people have to stand. Somebody will just ask you to move your chair-hogging bag, so save yourself the embarrassment and put it on the floor or the overhead rack where it belongs.
Leave Bambi and his friends alone. Yes, seeing a wild deer on Long Island can be exciting to many, but the National Park Service advises everyone to admire from afar and not feed them, which could negatively affect their overall health and natural behaviors.
Drive 50 mph in the left lane of the LIE
Long Islanders have places to go and people to see, so if you're not stepping on the gas, move over to the right lane.
Say that it’s just like New Jersey
No Snooki, no constant factory smog; Long Island is simply nothing like the Garden State.