Transgender community remembers those lost to violence in annual ceremony

Members of the transgender community and their supporters gathered on Sunday for a solemn ceremony to remember those who had been lost to violence over the last year.

The annual memorial had been planned months in advance, but holding it the morning after the mass shooting at an LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado only amplified the discussion of ongoing threats to the community.

“It’s a terrible situation,” said Barbara Salva, president of the Long Island Transgender Day of Remembrance Committee. “What happened yesterday in Colorado should not have happened but it does and it did.”

The memorial was held at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship at Stony Brook in East Setauket and included speakers and music. People held flowers and candles as the names of 64 transgender people from across the U.S. who died tragically over the last year were read out loud, their photos projected onto a screen.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance is a national event marked by local ceremonies around the U.S. It was started in 1999 to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a transgender woman killed in 1998.

“Being trans is not a choice, no more a choice than you had to be who you are,” Salva told the audience. “These past couple of years have been disastrous for the trans community in this country … There have been over 300 anti-LGBTQ bills that have been introduced in the year 2022.”

Several of the speakers recounted their personal struggles and triumphs as they transitioned.

Victoria Shields, 48, of Levittown said it is heartbreaking to see how many of the people being remembered were lost when they were just in their teens and 20s.

“I made it to almost 50 and it’s a privilege,” she said.

Ani Halasz, 36, of Ronkonama transitioned during the COVID-19 pandemic and did not immediately tell friends, colleagues and family for fear of rejection. “I was lucky my family accepted me 100%,” he said. “I was lucky to have everybody I work with accept me and love me for who I am.”

But it has still been a tough road.

“When you suppress who you are for many, many years, a lot comes up when you finally start to live authentically,” Halasz said.

Longtime activist Juli Grey-Owens, executive director of Gender Equality New York, told the audience she views the memorial as also a “call to action.”

“Remembering our dead is only one part of the day’s mission,” she said. “The second part is when those of us who are living create change to protect and uplift our community.”

She said taking part in meaningful change ranges from educating elected officials, helping pass laws or even supporting a fragile community member who needs help. “Stepping out of our comfort zone is an important step in moving our community forward,” Grey-Owens said.

Salva agreed that educating people, especially lawmakers, is vital to making lasting changes.

“The transgender community wants nothing special, just what everybody else wants — protections and dignity,” she said. “One thing's for sure, no matter what, we will not be erased.”

Debra Bacchi of Rockville Centre, who also helped organize the event, shared her experience as the mother of a transgender child. “I want to stress the importance of emotional support,” she said. “It’s more important than any financial support I might be able to provide. And not only emotional support from me but from the extended family and friends.” 

By Lisa L. Colangelo

lisa.colangelo@newsday.com@lisalcolangelo

Lisa joined Newsday as a staff writer in 2019. She previously worked at amNewYork, the New York Daily News and the Asbury Park Press covering politics, government and general assignment.